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Published on 7/23/08
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Trust us: They know. You can justify it to yourself however you want (“It was just that one time.…”) or hide it from your peers (“I was…going for a walk”), but sooner or later you’re going to have to fess up. You shop at shoddy retailers, and it makes you look like a hobo. Save yourself further embarrassment—without sacrificing your “style.” Here are a few spend-empowering ways to upgrade your wardrobe in a hurry.
BEFORE
Earrings by Blaire’s Accessories (more like acc-mess-ories…boo yah!), $12 Jingle jangle. Nope, that’s not the sound of your plastic jewelry, it’s the change you scrounged out of the trash to pay for such cheap crap.
Scarf by Neck Mart, $6 Tie it into a noose before the fashion police bust your faux pas. Then again, it’d probably rip.
Blouse by Old Lazy, $23 The look of a pillowcase without the thread count.
Suit by Neighborhood Clothing Outlet, $129 Good lord. Brown? The color of dirt and feces?
Shoes by [found in alley], free Your feet must be sore, cuz my eyes sure are.
AFTER
Earrings by Spiffany & Co., $6,490 Sparkle the only way a one-of-a-kind fashionista should—expensively.
Scarf by Amilio Perfecti, $317 There’s an entire autumnal evening embedded in that print.
Blouse by Silké, $683 Simple, sensational. You should be so lucky (or loaded) to project such elegance.
Suit by Armoney, $1,295 Ah, isn’t this shade of burnt umber much better?
Shoes by Jimmy Shoo, $459 Platinum-platformed for extra social comfort.
Is this some kind of joke? Yes, actually. The above was part of TOC's 2008 April Fool's issue. Read more about it here.
