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Published on 5/17/08
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 | Map it: Click here for a Google map of these spots, along with our other favorite Milwaukee restaurants, shops, bars and attractions. |
Art’s Concertina Bar
Art Altenburg claims that his is the only concertina bar in the country, and who are we to argue? The proud Polish-American has lined the back of his bar with 68 gleaming concertinas—small accordionlike instruments, for those not versed in handheld, bellows-driven music—and has covered his walls with nearly as many newspaper clippings singing the praises of his concertina prowess. If the guys in the rotating lineup of three-piece polka bands aren’t busy piping the place full of danceworthy classics, ask Altenburg about his instruments. He’s likely to spin a yarn, let you check one out, then launch into a wheezing solo that leads to yet another yarn. Two warnings: One, Altenburg can be a bit moody (“I tell everyone I’m 81,” he growls when we ask his age), so to cheer him up, start by ordering one of the pickled eggs from the jar behind the bar and prod him for a bit of the spot’s history. Two, he’s been threatening to sell the place and the concertinas (save for his favorite one) and “head out on the road and sleep under the stars,” so go quick. 1920 S 37th St, 414-384-2570.—Heather Shouse
At Random
So you never got to kick up one leg, lean into your military man and give him a smooch before he set sail to join the fellas storming the beaches at Normandy. But you can turn back time by plopping your man down in one of the booths at this retro cocktail lounge, where ’40s crooners rule the speakers and crazy libations are the drinks of choice. The flaming Tiki Love Bowl ($18 ) puts off more wattage than all of the dimmed lighting fixtures combined, but it’s the ice cream–laden cocktails that are the perfect way for you and your date to drink dessert. Signatures like Cookies & Cream and the Bosom Caresser are pricey ($7–$20), but with two straws, they’re big enough that you and your mate can get all soda fountain–y. These concoctions are so potent you might be tempted to take advantage of the bat-cave-level privacy. 2501 S Delaware Ave, 414-481-8030.—HS
Foundation
This former skater-punk bar may have mellowed out a bit after its tiki-themed, bamboo-and-leopard-print makeover a few years back, but that hasn’t made it any less of a magnet for off-the-grid beer guzzlers as well as the requisite sippers of umbrella-topped tropical drinks. On our last visit, we witnessed some kind of raucous fake-beard and -mustache party in progress, and in an unrelated incident, spotted a few members of Chicago band the Ponys sharing preshow drinks before their Mad Planet gig. Throughout the week, deejayed music draws fans of soul, exotica and mod sounds. 2718 N Bremen St, 414-374-2587.—Martina Sheehan
Holler House
Don’t even think about asking 70-something-year-old Marcy if any of the bras hanging from the ceiling are hers. She’ll sling a “You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!” faster than that cheap beer you just ordered. Tending bar at the joint her grandfather opened after emigrating from Poland in 1908 has afforded this silver-haired, sailor-mouthed granny more than a few stories to tell. Get your fill, and then ask her for a slot on one of the two downstairs bowling lanes, which she claims are the oldest in the country. She’ll likely holler up (hence the joint’s name) at her grandson who, like Marcy, lives upstairs, and soon you’ll have your own pin boy to hand-set each frame. 2042 W Lincoln Ave, 414-647-9284.—HS
Old German Beer Hall
If you don’t know what Hammerschlagen is—a better-when-drunk traditional game where players try to hammer a nail into a tree stump with the least amount of swings—don’t sweat it. (But now that you know, you can head to the back of the bar to join in.) All are welcome at this authentic brauhaus, where old German dudes, dolled-up college lasses and everyone in between gladly coexist over frosty pilsners. Modeled after the original Hofbräuhaus in Munich, it only offers HB brews on tap (we’re partial to the Münchner Kindl Weissbier) as well as grub like warm pretzels and delicious Usinger’s sausages. And yes, the waitresses are all gussied up like St. Pauli Girls. 1009 N Old World Third St, 414-226-2728.—Tim Lowery
Paddy’s Pub
Don’t be scared if owners Patty and Woody walk over to you with a smile and ask what you’re drinking. They’re not hitting on you or trying to steal your watch. They’re just really friendly—and will probably have a suggestion for your next pint, like a perfectly poured Guinness served at room temperature. Since faux-Irish bars are a dime a dozen in Chicago (sports bar + green paint + pub sign = “authentic”), it’s always nice to step inside a real Irish spot. The exterior resembles a two-flat cottage, with old-timey lanterns hanging above. Landing a seat on the lovely patio (complete with flowers, white Christmas lights and stone tables) is tough in the summer. But inside, projected old black-and-white movies, stained-glass widows and old-country bric-a-brac give the place a warm feel that’s perfect for couples. 2339 N Murray Ave, 414-223-3496.—TL
The Palm Tavern
If there’s something eerily familiar about this place, it might be the man behind the bar. Palm owner Bruno Johnson (he co-owns it with his wife, Pierluissi) used to manage the Green Mill before he made a break for Milwaukee to open his own place. Aside from the free-jazz album covers adorning the walls and the uncontested cigar smoking, the cozy Palm could pass for any Milwaukee bar—were it not for a thick plastic binder that makes the rounds. The dozen-or-so-page book is an extensive and hard-to-match menu of boutique whiskey, regional bourbons and small-batch Belgian beers. 2989 S Kinnickinnic Ave, 414-744-0393.—MS
Palomino
It has more horse paintings than a 12-year-old girl’s bedroom, and it’s also one of the coolest all-in-one stops in Milwaukee. This place mixes up regular Joes, hipster honeys and rockabilly badasses with a vegan-friendly, Southern-fried food menu and a kick-ass beer list. A separate fryer is used to keep your crispy tofu far from our chicken fried steak, and all of the value-packed platters come with your pick of soulful sides like brown sugar–whipped sweet potatoes and fried okra, likely to go down quite nicely while the jukebox plays Elvis and Johnny Cash. 2491 S Superior St, 414-747-1007.—HS
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