Q: I'm a 47-year-old gay man with a favor to ask. Can you tell the younger generation not to dress all "new gay" when they first come out and make the scene? I understood it during my generation or even ten years ago, but these days, gay boys have no excuse with all the men who are out in the media and are fashion role models.

A: For those in the dark, some say that you can spot a "new gay" (a guy who has recently come out) a mile away due to his product overkill, International Male wardrobe and supertight shirts. But once a guy has been out for a while (and is no longer new gay), he chooses more mainstream—though still stylish—clothes and shoes. Some people like the new-gay look because it's good for a giggle, serves as a bull's-eye for new romantic opportunities or inspires empathy among those who were once in the new gay's overpriced but poorly chosen shoes. Others, like this reader, are calling for a revolution. Whatever your view, consider the message delivered.

Q: Thanks for mentioning the unmentionable subject of women's pubic hair styles [In & Out, TOC 23], as it's awkward to ask friends. Is going bald the same as a "Brazilian"? And how does one remove all of their pubic hair? Ouch!

A: Salons vary in their interpretation of a Brazilian (totally bald, a landing-strip hair line or a ring of hair left around your vaginal lips), so it's better to describe and point out exactly where you do and do not want hair rather than ask for a style by name. Your second question—about how one removes the hair down there—reminds me of the "How does an elephant sit on a park bench?" joke. The groaner of an answer, of course, is "Very carefully." If you shave, do so slowly and carefully, as nicking one's bits can be painful, and who wants to dot her vulva with little toilet-paper scraps to stop the bleeding? Plus, little cuts can increase your risk of infection. Waxing is another option, but expect to get deeply involved in the process. Your aesthetician may ask you to hold one side of your vulva taut while she pulls a strip and, during another particularly fun part of the journey, you may find your legs up in the air or your knees pressed to your chest while she tackles the hair closest to your derriere. Some women prefer the natural look and others have fun with hair removal and design, opting for styles that include hearts, downward pointing arrows or their partner's initials. Enjoy.

Q: My girlfriend and I were discussing the difference between an orgasm and coming. She's not sure if there is a difference and I'm certainly not sure, although she said she once reached a point with an ex that felt better and different than the normal coming that she achieves with me. She said that sex with me feels good, but with her ex she said the feeling lasted longer (about 20 seconds) and felt better. Was that possibly an orgasm? I'm feeling a bit insecure and jealous that I can't make her reach this point of orgasm that her ex helped her achieve, although she said it probably could happen between us with certain positioning and movement. She reminded me that her ex used Viagra. Even though I'm able to last pretty long and am a pretty good lover, I have to stop at certain points during sex so I won't come fast. I'm telling you this because she said one of the reasons she was able to reach that point was because of a constant motion over a certain period of time without stopping, which I probably could do with the help of the "blue pill," although I don't need it. Can you give me some advice?

A: Even if I were in the room with your girlfriend (and no, I don't do house calls), I wouldn't be able to tell if she had or hadn't had an orgasm because women vary enormously when it comes to orgasm. Coming, climaxing, orgasm—what's the difference? Technically, there is none; people use these words interchangeably. It's unclear if your girlfriend is trying to describe the difference between intense sexual pleasure and an orgasm, or if she's simply experienced two distinct types of orgasms. Both scenarios, by the way, are possible. Your girlfriend's description of her ex-gasms (achieved through certain positions and movement, and lasting about 20 seconds) makes me wonder if perhaps what she once experienced were pleasurable feelings or orgasms from G-spot stimulation. If so, you don't need a Viagra-induced erection to give it a whirl (and if you don't "need" Viagra, it's probably best not to go that route, anyway). You can use your penis, fingers or a toy for G-spot exploration. Check out The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-Spot (Down There Press, $7) for information, anecdotal stories and techniques. G-spot toys can be found locally in adult bookstores; the Sasha vibrator ($22 at Early to Bed, 5232 N Sheridan Rd, 773-271-1219) and the Tulip Bulb ($20 at Tulip, 1480 W Berwyn Ave, 773-275-6110) are two possibilities.

As for your insecurity and jealousy, it's great that you can recognize those feelings, and it'll be even better when you can put them aside and move on. By suggesting to you that certain movements might do the trick, your girlfriend is offering reassurance not only about sex but about your relationship—that there will be plenty more opportunities to see each other and explore sexually together. Figuratively speaking, I don't know if anything is as orgasmic as knowing that the person you want also wants you in return.

Send letters to Debby Herbenick, MPH c/o Time Out Chicago, 247 South State Street, 17th floor, Chicago, IL 60604, or send e-mail to inandout@timeoutchicago.com.