On Tuesday night, Cook County Commissioner Jesus "Chuy" Garcia successfully forced a runoff election for mayor against incumbent Rahm Emanuel. In the next six weeks leading up to the April 7 election, both candidates will field questions and hold debates about a myriad of issues facing our city. However, one question in particular holds greater significance in the minds and lives of Chicagoans, and we need to know each candidate's position in the issue before deciding who we will place our trust in to lead our city:
What color is the dress?
Sure, Chicago has several other problems that need to be addressed, but those issues seem so trivial compared to what is unquestionably the most important debate of our lifetime.
I for one cannot live under the tyrannical rule of a man who believes the dress is white and gold. Hell, Garcia could possess a magic wand that could turn Chicago into a perfect, tropical-weather utopia that only works if he's elected mayor, and I still wouldn't vote for him if he thought the dress was white and gold. In the unfortunate situation that both of them incorrectly think the dress is white and gold, then it's time to bring anarchy to Chicago.
So in this crucial election season, I am calling on the media and you, the good citizens of the people of Chicago, to press our mayoral candidates for their stance on what is undoubtedly the hottest issue our society has ever debated. We deserve the best, and only the best know that the dress is black and blue.