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Patty melt
Beef patty, grilled onions, melted cheese, toasted rye
PROS
� It has a classic beef patty.
� Grilled onions and melted cheese aren�t exactly foreign to burgers.
CONS
� Since when do burgers come on toast?
LET IT BE DECIDED
Bun fascists be damned�this is a burger.
Veggie burger
Vegetable patty, burger bun, various �healthful� accoutrements (avocado, sprouts)
PROS
� Colors notwithstanding, it looks like a burger.
� It has proper burger bread.
CONS
� It�s healthy.
� Where�s the beef?
LET IT BE DECIDED
This isn�t a burger. It�s a portable salad.
Loose-meat sandwich
Crumbled ground beef, burger bun (see: Maid-Rite, 2429 N Lincoln Ave, 773-687-9250)
PROS
� It comes with pickles, onions, ketchup and mustard.
� It�s on a bun.
CONS
� There�s no patty.
� There�s no joy.
LET IT BE DECIDED
Loose meat does not a burger make.
Let’s decide once and for all.
Veggie burgers aren’t burgers. They’re veggie burgers. And there’s a difference. Wait—isn’t there?
RECOMMENDED: Best burgers in Chicago
Humankind will shape almost anything into a patty and shove it into a bun, but with each new entry into the burger—sorry, “burger”—category, a debate must take place. Does anything go? Clearly the answer is no—just look at the abominable turkey “burger.”
Below, we attempt to solve three particularly pesky cases of burger identity theft (or not).
Discover Time Out original video