Appetite for seduction

Chicagoans speculate on how seemingly innocent foods could be beneficial in the bedroom.

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Matt, 23 (from left)
Ben, 25
Dan, 19

Clark Street between Newport Avenue and Addison Street

Would you guys rather have an amazing meal or amazing sex?
M I’m definitely the wrong guy to be asking about this because I’m overweight.
B I’d definitely have to go with the sex.
D I’d go with the food, because if it’s good you can’t get it again. But you can get a repeat on a sexual act.
B But what if you’re going through a stretch in your life when you’re not having sex?
D I can’t fathom that happening.
M What if you just get with the chick and she’s just rockin’ your world?
D That could happen.
M What if she makes you the greatest meal in the world, then gives you the greatest sex?

In that sense, then dating a chef would be…
M Amazing!

Would you then work sex and food into the bedroom?
M Immediately. As soon as possible without being too pushy.
B But it’s going to be mundane to the chef. They spend all day cooking; they’re not going to get turned on by it. You don’t want to taint your profession with your bodily fluids.
M Why not?
B Let’s say you do have the great sex—usually you’ll be hungry after that and you’ll be thinking of the great meal. But if you have the big meal and you’re eating a lot of food, afterward, you’re not going to want to have sex. Usually, when I eat too much I don’t want to have sex; I want to take a shit.
D Food satisfies that basic urge to be mothered. I’ll put up with a girl’s personality if she’s making me food and she lets me just sit and watch Curb Your Enthusiasm reruns—that’s a relationship I’d like to be a part of.

In your past sexual endeavors, have any of you worked food into the bedroom?
B Fluff! This was [with] my Czech girlfriend. They don’t have Marshmallow Fluff or peanut butter over there, so I worked peanut butter and Fluff into a new kind of sandwich that I never might’ve made otherwise.

Was the Fluff a, uh, means to an end?
B You want me to get graphic? Said Fluff was used in fellatio. I put some Fluff on there and it tasted better for her. She wanted to keep at it.
D The way you sort of trick them with the Fluff is that they finish with the Fluff and they’re like, “Oh, there’s a penis here. Well, I’m already down here.”
M She’s thinking, Maybe there’ll be more Fluff.

I have some props here and was hoping you could get creative and say how they might be utilized in the bedroom. A cucumber?
D Beat her face with it. Some girls are into the rough stuff.
M I’d cry if she pulled that out, actually.

What about this pineapple?
D You cut a hole in the pineapple, heat it, then you fuck the pineapple and tell the girl to go make a meal. It’s a little misogynistic, but…[ Laughs]
B Then if the meal had pineapple in it afterward…
D That’d be weird.

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