Heard on the street, March 20, 2008, edition

Nobody listens to Nirvana anymore, and that’s why everyone sucks.

I had a drink or twelve. Luckily, I had a designated stoner.

I don’t do Great America. Gives me swamp ass.

It turns out the opera singer was a male spy instead of a female singer.

Is the Burt Reynolds Theater located in Florida?

I’m going to sit on the crapper, take my meds and see how this pans out.

Bananas are people, too.

I wish I had a jail tattoo like my ex-boyfriend.

Star Wars III I thought was really great.

I don’t speak Asian.

You know, she looks just like her husband, except with a scrunchy.

We can’t afford a vacation, but at least we can afford to take mushrooms.