Heard on the street, March 7, 2013, edition

Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.

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  • If you have an ass-liver, you�re president of the fraternity.

  • I�d rather be clam slapped than wiener whacked.

  • �My name is Gregor.� �I am Gregor, too!�

  • I carry a personal ChapStick and a guest ChapStick, in case anyone asks.

  • When I get into a cab and they have paper towels, I get nervous. I have a puke fear. It�s a problem.

  • �I�ve never been anywhere in the Caribbean.� �I�ve never been anywhere.�

  • I�m tired and farty.

  • Remember how I was going to write that cover letter? Well, now I�m looking at Moroccan poufs on Overstock.com.

  • I bet you homed in on my birthing hips.

  • Her dildo�s name is Jesus.

  • I must get a breath of fresh air. I�m being choked by your corpulence.

If you have an ass-liver, you�re president of the fraternity.


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