Heard on the street, October 11, 2012, edition

Tall women are funny ’cause at least for a second you have to wonder if it’s a dude.

My ex-boyfriend told me I looked good today at church.

There’s a piece of poop on the outside, and it looks like someone designed it with their thumb.

Watching you eat gives me anxiety.

There were a lot of lynchings near swamps, dude.

“She smells like a hooker.” “What does a hooker smell like?” “Don’t say that so loud—she might know she smells like a hooker.”

I just mentally downloaded her into my fap file.

That show is like American Idol on meth.

Yeah, it’s fake. She’s been pregnant for, like, four years.

Just S his D and be done with it!

I hate being a woman! I hate being so weak!