Heard on the street, October 18, 2012, edition

You’re always gonna be the sexual predator in this relationship.

Yeah, that’s what I want: to get my eyes Lasik’d next to a kiosk selling Big Johnson shirts.

I feel like he puts bacon between all the sound waves. His music is that good.

She’s kind of a downer. She doesn’t drink at all, and I can’t maintain that kind of relationship.

I don’t kinda wish that. I fully wish that shit!

Blond guys always have health insurance.

If I were dating a girl that gave a massage like that, I’d marry her, too.

We’ve got narwhal fever!

I was doing shots by myself and the next thing I knew I was following Carly Rae Jepsen on Twitter.

Everyone in this movie looks like they just stopped doing porn.