She says, he says

This month our counselling couple sounds off on how to tell your beau what you like in bed and whether it's OK to make a play for your married boss

Dear Sexperts,
My boyfriend and I have an active sex life, but we aren’t one of those adventurous couples who try out different positions in different places on a regular basis. Some might think we’re boring, but I like our routine – or at least I thought I did. However, the last time we had sex, he put his finger up my bum … and I liked it. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell him that. I’m not worried about what he thinks of me; I’m just embarrassed for myself. Good girls shouldn’t like things like that, should they? I suppose I’m also a teensy bit worried that he will then think that I want to take things to a whole different level – which I don’t. What should I do?
Kate, 25

She Says:
I think it’s safe to say that few couples really take the time to tell each other what they like and what they don’t like in bed. But you should! The first couple of times you do it, you might both feel a bit uncomfortable. Eventually, it will seem like second nature to you. The most important thing to keep in mind is that your partner may start to feel a bit inadequate if you have a lot of negative comments – so focus on the things you do like. And express your worries, too.
In regards to your question about being a "good girl," I don’t think they exist. Besides, you’re a bit old for that, aren’t you?

He Says:
I think you’re causing yourself problems here without due cause. If you like it you should tell him; don’t be embarrassed. I imagine he probably figured out that you weren’t too upset about it at the time so by bringing it up you aren’t likely to surprise him. If that really isn’t going to happen you could always guide his hand to the preferred crevice during the act, however if you want to set boundaries you’ll have to pluck up the courage to talk to him or he may cross alone without knowing it’s there.

Dear Sexperts,
I’ve been living in Beijing for a few months teaching English. I came here alone after university and I had hoped to have an adventure before I returned to the UK to start my career. Unfortunately, my dream adventure has turned into a nightmare. I’ve fallen in love with my boss. She’s a few years older than me and the trouble is that she’s married. She doesn’t know I feel this way and I know I should just let it go but it’s eating me up inside. I can’t stop thinking about her and I don’t want to go back home without doing something about it. She’s been really good to me ever since I arrived and I think we really click. I’m due to go home in a couple of months and I feel I really should see if we could have a future together. How do you think I should go about finding out?
John, 22

She Says:
I don’t think you should do anything to find out. This woman is a) your boss and b) married. This is not a good combination for you. When you first arrive in another country, it’s common to feel close to people you first meet simply because you don’t know anyone else. Don’t mistake her kindness for anything else. It might help you to think about what could happen if you said something to her about it. I imagine your scenario includes your boss leaving her husband, job, friends, etc., and going back home with you. More realistically, she’ll start avoiding you, you’ll feel awkward about things, and the only thing you’ll bring home with you is a head full of regret.

He Says:
The first thing you should do is try to poison the husband. He’s just going to get in the way and possibly scupper your entire plan. If poison doesn’t work you could arrange a car accident or something equally plausible. Use his unfortunate and untimely demise as your chance to lend a shoulder to the poor young widow. She will be distraught and at her weakest, giving you the perfect opportunity to be her night in shining armour, gently guiding her through her most desperate and darkest days. As she slowly comes to terms with her tragic loss then you will have the perfect chance to capitalise on the situation and turn your nightmare into the dream you truly deserve. Leave it, John. Leave it well alone. She’s spoken for.