It’s the drink talking Absinthe

Find out how to serve and where to drink the green fairy

Henri Toulouse-Lautrec walks into a 19th-century Parisian bar and sees Vincent Van Gogh in the corner having a drink. ‘Hello Vincent. Do you want an absinthe?’ he asks.

‘You’re all right, Henri,’ replies Van Gogh. ‘I’ve got one ear.’ Chuckle not, my little chickadees, for I’m a deadly serious Gallic giggle juice. I’m a wild ‘green fairy’ liquid initially imbibed by Parisian 19th-century clever-clognoscenti such as Toulouse-Lautrec, Verlaine, Rimbaud and Joe le Taxi, but by the 1860s, with vineyards struck down by disease, everyone wanted a bit of me.

I set about laying waste to the morals of France and was subsequently banned in my homeland at the start of World War I (army rifles and I don’t really get on). They say absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, the brain grow dafter and hair grow where it shouldn’t.

But, really, they don’t understand the subtleties of my charms. Like a pit bull, I’ll only make mischief when mistreated and I scrub up super in a sazerac. Of all the lunatic ingredients in my locker, wormwood is the most potent. Its unbearable bitterness is mellowed by my aniseed flavours, herbaceous lemon notes and soft black liquorice on the finish. Ben McFarland

How to serve me

✽ Pour 25ml absinthe into a glass.

✽ Rest absinthe spoon on the glass.

✽ Place two sugar lumps on the spoon.

✽ Drop by drop, drip water over the sugar until it’s diluted 1:5.

✽ Stir liquid until it goes cloudy – like the Incredible Hulk in reverse.

✽ Drink.

✽ Then cut your left ear off and give it to a prostitute. (No wait, don’t do that.)

Where to drink me

Chocolate Providing added sensory stimuli to absinthe is this Russian nightclub’s fire eaters, exotic dancers and a cover band belting out Russian hits – the perfect place to imbibe such a drink. 84 Ritan Bei Lu (just south of Alien Street Market), Chaoyang district (8561 3988). Open 10am-4am daily. 朝阳区日坛北路84号

Club Obiwan Relax at this three-storey lakeside bar and enjoy the green fairy outside on the beautiful rooftop terrace while the weather’s still warm enough. Xihai, 4 Xiyan, 300 metres south of Jishuitan subway station, Xicheng district (8322 1231; www. clubobiwan.com.cn). Open 2pm- 2am Mon-Fri; 2pm-late weekends. 西城区西海西沿4号(积水潭地铁 向南300米).

NanJie Unpretentious and affordable, this is perhaps one of Beijing’s most popular (cheap) bars. Just go easy on the absinthe, or you might just wake up next to a 17-year-old international school student. Sanlitun Nan Lu (opposite Salsa Caribe), Chaoyang district (6586 7757). Open 6pm-late daily. 朝阳区三 里屯南路.