"How much did Stella pay you to write this tosh?
I went to day 2 of this event and frankly my experience was so far removed from the one described here that I now wholeheartedly believe in alternative realities.
“…As a mixture of breakdancers, cheerleaders and spandex-clad aerobics instructors prowled the park encouraging folks to get their freak on…” - you mean, out of work actors mugging wildly in what can only be described as the most embarrassingly sub 6th form idea imaginable. Whoever thought that a mainly late 20's/early 30's crowd would find this sort of stuff wacky and zany should be shot!
“…the excellent short film programme…” - the quality of which is debatable, but suffice to say was mainly of interest to people doing film studies, employees of the BFI (whose new logo is yuck!) and film critics from trendy magazines. The other 9,999 people at the event had no other choice but to sit in front of a blank screen for 6 hours listening to an endless parade of anonymous DJs playing various remixes of Ghostbusters, Fame and the theme from Bladerunner. These 'sets' were broken up with what Sean Rowley (our host) described as more 80s themed music (except this wasn't played by DJs.) The only (large plasma) screen capable of projecting anything in full daylight was usefully employed projecting the Studio Artois logo for 5 and half hours. When it was utilised to full effect by letting the crowd at the back witness the admittedly laugh out loud antics of Triple Pleasure we weren't allowed to watch them for more than 60 seconds at a time without enjoying another 30 second clip of the logo. Did someone at Stella Artois think we may forget where we were in the ‘madness’. Why wasn't this screen used during the day to project other 80s classics - I'm sure the Evil Dead would have gone down at treat with the largely stoned crowd. The Terminator, Back to the Future, ET anything but listening to Mr Blue Sky for the 3rd time in one day!
I'll reserve judgement on the Guilty Pleasure set as I'm sure Sean Rowley is a lovely guy and Triple Pleasure were the best thing about the whole day. But I will say that I felt that I had already heard half the tracks he played already that day. As for '10,000 people going bananas' - I'm afraid by that stage Stella must have plied you with too much of their beer - the rest of us paying £3.30 for a 33cl bottle couldn't afford to get drunk enough to throw ourselves around to Jump. After being forced to stare endlessly at their logo for 6 hours a free beer or two would have compensated nicely. But no freebies for the paying masses. £6 for a large glass of cheap white wine - I think the folks at Stella should be ashamed. Reassuringly Expensive? Get Barclays on the line I need a 2nd mortgage!
"…whenever the film's soundtrack kicked in, people were on their feet dancing, culminating in an almighty twist during Ferris's show-stopping parade performance…" You must have been delirious on the corporate hospitality by this stage as from halfway back I counted exactly 3 people doing the twist. Were you the poor schmuck who by that stage of the (so-so) film couldn't contain his enthusiasm for it any longer, jumping up, and extolling with all the fervour of a born again Christian for us all ‘to get up you buggers and dance for Ferris' - only to be joined by precisely no-one. I was so embarrassed for the man that I decided to leave the faithful to their prayers at that point and departed the park feeling thoroughly despondent. “Every got the feeling you've been cheated?” Yes I have actually. On Sunday in Greenwich Park thanks to Stella Artois."