Film

It’s hard to believe that a postmodern heist movie starring an image-skewering Van Damme as “himself” could be anything but awesome, but JCVD takes an amusing premise and beats it senseless for 90 minutes. (It’s the kind of movie better joked about than seen.) Looking to get a wire transfer, Jean-Claude wanders into a post office Dog Day Afternoon whose perps—recognizing the benefits of star power—pass him off as the ringleader. Won’t anyone leave the Muscles from Brussels alone? Van Damme already rues the fact that his oeuvre has been used as evidence against him in a custody battle; the appearance of masterminding a hostage situation won’t help.

Of course, the movie’s cleverness is confined to its self-reflexivity: a hilarious long-take action sequence; Jean-Claude’s weary conversation with his agent about a sequel; a confessional monologue more amusing in concept than execution. The rest of JCVD is overacted, overexposed and overlong. Despite its overt appreciation of Van Damme’s kickboxing skills, this is still a Van Damme movie at heart.