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What Happens in Vegas (2008)
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Down to You (2000)

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Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher: a life in film

Ashton Kutcher has made it big without ever being in a decent film. Time Out looks back over his strange career

Born February 1978 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa to disgraced auto worker Diane and Trotskyite pastor, Larry, the career of American actor/model/factory hand Ashton Kutcher has been long, strange and mostly unrewarding, if not for him, then certainly for us.

After winning a local modelling competition and jacking in his production-line job at the Cheerios factory, he made the decision to become a star of stage and screen, signing on for top-billing in a Pizza Hut commercial, then snagging his first 'proper' acting job as ‘Louie’ in the critically reviled fratboy muckfest, ‘Coming Soon’.

The notices were good and the parts became meatier, from ‘College Kid’ in the Ben Affleck Christmas-based military siege movie, ‘Reindeer Games’ to ‘Jim Morrison’ in dire Freddy Prinze Jr money-spinner, ‘Down to You’.

Paydirt came in 2000 with the Kafkaesque mental illness chimera, ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ in which Kutcher stumbles around some militarised swampland in rural Nebraska with Stifler from ‘American Pie’, smoking oregano through a Dr Pepper bottle and saying things like, ‘I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games.’ The film made $13 million in its first weekend and a star was born.

While his screen career lumbered him with the not unhelpful typecast of ‘Misc Obnoxious Twentysomething’, we were to receive an acrid taste of his ‘real life’ persona in the childish sub-Beadle TV ratings behemoth (TM) ‘Punk’d’ in 2003. At the beginning of each episode, he gives a cocky to-camera address, revealing the vile, sniggering man-child behind the vile, sniggering man-child, and proving that success had not just gone to his head, but it was beginning to seep gelatinously from his eyeball cavities.

Ineffably drawn to films which saw him either, a) accidentally getting married, b) ingesting drugs to the sound of the zither, or c) being taught how to lifeguard by Kevin Costner, it seemed that Hollywood had developed a taste for lackadaisical quasi-hunks with low IQs and deep chin crevices. He sunk low with his supporting turn in ‘Cheaper By The Dozen’, the Steve Martin film based on a textbook about childbirth promotion in Fascist Italy. He sunk even lower in 2006’s mirthless ‘Guess Who’, a gag-for-gag remake of 1967’s ‘Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?’, a film which was considered thematically obsolete upon its release over forty years ago. Even as recently as 2006 he managed to help turn Emilio Estevez’s bad film ‘Bobby’ into Emilio Estevez’s really, really, really bad film ‘Bobby’.

Some people may say that he shone in the long-running sitcom ‘That ‘70s Show’, but it’s his film career we’re worried about. This week, Kutcher stars in ‘What Happens In Vegas…’ opposite Cameron Diaz, a film in which a pair of superficial LA bottom-feeders win big in said ersatz gaming utopia, only to discover that they went a bit crazy with the complementary J&Bs the night before and – you guessed it – got married.

The fact that the film bears an uncanny resemblance to his 2003 mis-matched honeymoon caper, ‘Just Married’, is a mere bagatelle. According to the IMDB, Kutcher has eight projects in development. The studios love him. The public loves him. Everyone loves him.

Author: David Jenkins

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User comments on this story

tom said...

Ashton repulses me. His fans seem to be, air-headed young girls with more money than brains or taste. It is sickening how a no-talent, self promoting, loser gets propelled to fame. It is actually an insult to hard-working people everywhere. But try to tell this to adolescent, shallow, low-class teeny-boppers who think he is "cool". Posted on Jun 21 2009 02:26

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Tony said...

I don't know what's great about this guy. Punk'd is stupid. He's overrated and only had 1 thing going for him (That 70's show). Now that that's over who care's about him? Oh by the way those camera commercials add more stupidity to his resume. Ashton! (The tricks yell out). Forget about him already. Posted on Dec 17 2008 00:19

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arturo said...

Quit dissing the critic. Ashton kutchers am idiot. Not only is he annoying on tv & films now we are forced to watch his stupid Nikon commercials. I personally will buy Canon cameras instead of Nikon just for the fact they are paying this obnoxious idiot millions. By the way, how many of you Ashton fans can spell "obnoxious" without using spellcheck? That's what I thought... I'm not against juvenile movies, I did like the "harold & kumar" movies. Posted on Nov 03 2008 01:16

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paul said...

are you fuc***** insane no decente film? re you out of your stupid mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT!!!!!!!!!!, DUDE!!!!!!!! that's gross this film is blowminded!!!!!!!!! the film about the chaos theory is outstanding and you don't even mention it, please before being a film chritic know your films Posted on May 15 2008 19:30

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Seany said...

Whoever doubts ashton kutcher is a moron, he is a commical genius. The author of this report clearly has no sense of humour and probably enjoyed the worst film ever "open water". Time to cheer up and learn to smile n laugh rather than be a bore.
What happened in Vegas, good film! Posted on May 14 2008 11:20

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valisu said...

Even the sun shines on a dogs ass some day. It just goes to say that actors don't have to be talented. These movies are just 1 long commercial. Look at the new Nikon commercials with Mr. Moore...:). They look exactly like the all of his 'cute meets' in his movies. Oh, it will never be as it once was. Posted on May 14 2008 07:54

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Arnaud said...

<i>'Everyone I know ejoyed "Dude, Where's my Car?" '</i><br><br>
You might want to get rid of your friend I'm afraid... Posted on May 13 2008 10:59

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perro del mal said...

To Imran: "I love "Punk'd!" You are an idiot. "...everyone I know enjoyed "Dude, Where's My Car?" Everyone you know are morons. That's the only way you can tolerate them and they tolerate you. ...Oh, and the Botterfly Effect is mediocre at best. Aston Kutcher is a foul stain in cinema's face. One half-decent performance doesn't make a difference. Posted on May 11 2008 01:46

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Tawana said...

I found it very misleading of the columnist to propose to dissect Ashton Kutcher's fim career, and then neglect to mention 'Butterfly Effect'; in fact it made me question the quality of the level of journalism that Time Out allows, of its staff. Posted on May 10 2008 10:52

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Hopkins said...

Noticeably absent from that list is 'The Butterfly Effect' - which he was great in. Might have been his only decent film, true, but its a crime not to mention it - if only to show the actor he could be! Posted on May 09 2008 14:41

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Rachel said...

He's a very likeable guy, which makes it much harder for the public to moan about his performances in films.
I thought he was fantastic in "That 70s Show", and is better suited to sitcoms. Posted on May 09 2008 13:34

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Imran said...

I think what makes me laugh most about him is the way he stretches his vowels when speaking. Kind of reminiscent of Dr. Cox from Scrubs! Posted on May 09 2008 13:15

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Imran said...

It's true that perhaps his films are not "good", i.e. well-made or thought out, but nevertheless he is entertaining. I love "Punk'd!" And everyone I know enjoyed "Dude, Where's My Car?" Posted on May 09 2008 13:13

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