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The Bad News Bears (1976)
The Karate Kid (1984)
Mad Max (1979)
The Godfather (1972)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Back to the Future (1985)

The fourth in the trilogy?

With the recent news that Eddie Murphy has signed on to make 'Beverly Hills Cop IV', Time Out offer some ideas for the fourth instalment of some classic film trilogies

Back to the Future : Part IV
Dir Robert Zemekis

With Michael J. Fox sadly unable to reprise his role as hyperactive time-travelling schoolboy Marty McFly due to health reasons, we join Christopher Lloyd (if, that is, producers can tear him away from his less-than-sterling work on the ‘Baby Geniuses ’ franchise) as he is working on a new time-travelling machine: this time, it’s a speedboat. Taking to the high seas, he travels back a mere 30 years to investigate the melting of the polar ice caps for an amusing paper he's researching. Yet, in the opening reel (which some critics will call ‘gutsy’, and others ‘plain barbaric’) the Doc is unceremoniously killed as his trusty vessel materialises in the middle of a trans-Atlantic shipping lane and he is crushed by an oil barge.

We then return to the present, where his two sons, Jules and Verne (played by the kids from ‘Superbad’) are working day shifts at Radio Shack. When their lunatic pops doesn’t return home that evening to give them their pre-bedtime lecture on advanced thermodynamics, the kids discover a slip of paper on his desk and decide to travel back in a prototype machine (more of a time tug-boat), to investigate where he might have gotten to. They accidentally go back too far (the nineteenth century to be exact), and find themselves becoming embroiled in the American slave trade. It turns out that the only way they can save their father is by creating a law that makes it illegal to sail across the Atlantic (and thus abolishing the slave trade). Bob Newhart to play William Wilberforce.

Lord of the Rings 4: Gamgee Goes Bananas
Dir Peter Jackson

Frustrated by the fact that in the first three movies he did all the hard lifting-and-carrying work while that whingeing layabout Frodo took all the credit, simple bi-curious Hobbit gardener and all-round lower class dogsbody Samwise Gamgee stumbles upon a magic trowel that quickly transforms him into a dark overlord with a lust for destruction and taters. In the face of impending destruction it’s left to tree-hugging Manc jokester Merry and his wiseass Scots sidekick Pippin to get the old fellowship back together, Blues Brothers-style. But its not so easy: blonde bombshell Legolas is dancing for gold pieces in backstreet dwarf-bars, Gimli’s a raging meadaholic and King Aragorn’s finding married life something of a strain: his tunic-line is expanding, and his lip-quivering Elvish bride resents the fact that she abandoned immortality for royal domestic drudgery. What’s more, Frodo and Gandalf are understandably miffed to be dragged back from sunning themselves in an undying paradise, and for all concerned the prospect of saving Middle Earth again just feels like an awful effort…

The Godfather : Part IV
Dir Francis Ford Coppola

Just when we thought we were out, they pull us back in! After taking the family business out of the underworld and into the boardroom then overseeing the death of virtually every member of his immediate family, Michael Corleone dies an old and broken man – but not before ceding control of his empire to Andy Garcia’s Vincent ‘Mad Dog’ Mancini. The fourth instalment in this epic of American avarice sees Vinnie – aided by a guy known only as 'Phil the Greek – dump the family’s entire fortune into a dotcom enterprise specialising in inflatable kennels. The last scene of Coppola’s sprawling meatball opera sees the saga come full circle, with the penniless Vincent reduced to selling sexual favours in the restroom of the Ellis Island Museum.

Mad Max 4: Apocalypse... not!
Dir George Miller

In the after-time, the nevernever, far past the days of membering, the road warrior rides out into the wild wilderness and reaches the shore of the great wet. Here he discovers that the ‘accident’ which broke down Australian civilisation and left its people struggling in vicious Tina Turner-ruled barter communities was not, in fact, a worldwide nuclear holocaust, but just the country’s natural cultural and economic progression. With his faithful dog in tow, Max Rockatansky ups sticks to West Texas where he makes a good living as a demolition driver for monster truck rallies. But there’s trouble on the horizon: doctors at a local institution for the criminally insane have been involved in a controversial combined gene enhancement, facial reconstruction and drivers’ education programme, and a mass breakout leaves Max and his new lady-cop sidekick (Sugartits) facing yet another rampaging mob of hideously disfigured godless fuelhead mutants…

Karate Kid IV: Drunken Master
Dir John G. Avildsen

Since we last saw him take his ramshackle form of homespun martial artistry to China in ‘Karate Kid III’, Ralph Maccio’s Daniel Larusso – now in his 40s – has become a washed-up bum who runs a Karate school for the latchkey kids of a rough Baltimore suburb. Found in an alleyway supping his third jam-jar of methylated spirits by one of his pupils, he is escorted to a nearby drunk tank where he beats one of the female careworkers to near-death when she asks his name. At a low ebb, he has a vision of his old tutor Mr Miyagi (made-up of discarded footage from the first three films) who reminds him that he was the one who was bullied and now the tables have turned. Taking stock of this revelation, he shapes up and decides to enter his kids in a local karate tournament whereupon he is forced to deal with issues of domestic abuse, homelessness, lack of self-confidence, and finally, post-colonial bourgeois guilt. The final, freeze-framed shot is of Larusso crane-kicking a local politico in the face while delivering the line, 'take that to the City Hall'. Nelly to supply the main theme.

The Bad News Bears Eat, Sh*t And Die
Dir Richard Linklater

The timeless characters of Timmy Lupus, Kelly Leak and, of course, Buttermaker all return for the elegiac swansong of Little League’s most notorious outfit in this fourth inning of baseball’s most enduring franchise. Making Don Revie’s Leeds United look like the Harlem Globetrotters, the team this time take their patented brand of apple-cheeked ultraviolence to a pro-celebrity tourney put on by a shadowy Mr. Big (Kris Kristoffersson) in the deep jungle of Brazil. After losing the final to a frankly rather disappointing Guns N' Roses B-team, the Bears are chased into the rainforest by irate gamblers. And it is here that the title gains its piquancy, as our pampered prima donnas find themselves staring down the barrel of the three basic human imperatives…

Author: Adam Lee Davies, David Jenkins, Tom Huddleston

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User comments on this story

pedro said...

Absolutely brilliant and very funny! Posted on Jun 02 2008 07:55

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Pam said...

What is the fourth movie of a trilogy called anyway? I mean, it can no longer be a triolgy, which is three. My vote goes for it being called the fourth installment of a 'Four Part Epic.' Quadilogy sounds funny. Posted on Jun 02 2008 02:28

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Petri said...

Well Snoogins, the Jurassic Park IV is already announced and is planned to come to theaters in 2010... Posted on Jun 01 2008 10:20

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Désirée Greverud said...

Actually, Godfather part IV was in the works when Mario Puza died. Yes, it would have been about Andy Garcia's character taking over the family. Never got much past the outline stages, and without Puzo, it never will. Posted on Jun 01 2008 01:52

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Blitzen said...

Don't forget the "lost" Karate Kid Sequel: The video for "Sweep The Leg Johnny" by the band No More Kings. (directed by William Zabka, and starring pretty much every male actor from Karate Kid). Posted on May 31 2008 22:40

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Vincent Watkins said...

If Back to the Future IV would be an official sequel without Michael J. Fox, then The Next Karate Kid should should not be disqualified simply because Ralph Macchio did not appear.
If The Next Karate Kid must be disqualified, it should be because the movie clearly takes place in a parallel dimension in which girls can fight. Posted on May 31 2008 20:53

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ChadWinkle said...

also note, all eddie murphy films are the same. Posted on May 31 2008 13:14

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Andrew said...

Yeah this was funny until I read the comments about mad max 4. This "Here he discovers that the ‘accident’ which broke down Australian civilisation and left its people struggling in vicious Tina Turner-ruled barter communities was not, in fact, a worldwide nuclear holocaust, but just the country’s natural cultural and economic progression" was particularly hilarious until I read the wall street journal and saw that the Aussie dollar is almost at parity with the US. Posted on May 31 2008 09:19

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Snoogins said...

NICE! Here's more:
The Matrix Retribution: After saving mankind from the machines, Morpheus and the survivors of Zion face a new foe: Matrix fans driven absolutely insane by the nonsensical and wholly uninteresting crap served up to them in The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions. You thought the agents were tough? You ain't seen nothin' till you've seen armies of fanboy spaz geeks with a bone to pick!
Jurassic Park IV: Jeff Goldblum returns to Isla Nublar to find that not only are the dinosaurs gone, but someone is using the island for a gigantic paintball game. Caught in the middle without goggles, Dr. Malcolm risks getting blinded and bruised by the flying pellets. His acrobat daughter comes along to beat up any stray velociraptors that may have survived.
Blade IV: After going to jail for tax evasion, Blade must fight off wave after wave of vampire shower rapists.
The Bourne Epilepsy: Jason Bourne realizes that his troubles are far from over when he discovers that all this time, he's been living with a chip in his head that makes the whole world look like it's shaking really fast and making him unable to stay focussed on one object for more than two seconds at a time. Posted on May 31 2008 00:16

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Johnny Jackson said...

Back to the Future was pretty much one story in three parts and wrapped up perfectly at the end. Same with LOTR. Godfather III was actually much worse than BHC IV. A third part to two part (kinda) book made much later. Haven't there been a million Karated Kid movies? Plus the last two BHC movies kinda sucked so this shouldn't matter AT ALL. Posted on May 31 2008 00:01

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Stuart said...

They were reportedly set to start filming Mad Max 4, WITH Mel, in North Africa a year or two back but political trouble (if memory serves me) put a sudden, unexpected halt to the ready to go shoot. No news ever since. Posted on May 30 2008 21:33

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davidjenkins said...

Yes, we are aware that Michael 'The Couch Trip' Ritchie is no longer with us, so we have changed it to Richard Linklater. And, after a lengthy, intense debate in the Time Out offices, we came to the conclusion that 'The Next Karate Kid' wasn't an official entry into the 'Karate Kid' saga as it didn't feature aging street tough, Ralph Macchio. Thanks. Posted on May 30 2008 15:03

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James Brook said...

How many smug Time Out journos does it take to get this many facts wrong in one piece?
Three, it seems. Posted on May 30 2008 14:52

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william said...

You have included at least two directors in this hypothetical article who have passed away. Kinda reduces the smart-ass appeal. Posted on May 30 2008 14:03

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Graham said...

Michael Ritchie is dead so you'll have to find someone else to direct 'The Bad News Bears Eat, Sh*t And Die'. Posted on May 30 2008 13:05

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