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Eddie Murphy's Crimes Against Cinema
We all remember the comic highs of 'Beverly Hills Cop' and 'Bowfinger', but Eddie Murphy has been in a fair few stinkers as well. To celebrate the release of his latest megabudget 'will-this-do?' shrugfest 'Meet Dave', Time Out to presents a handy rundown of his ten darkest cinematic hours...
Best Defence (1984)When ‘84’s cross-processed Dudley Moore vehicle (sic), ‘Best Defence’ was originally screened to test audiences as a screwball war satire à la ‘Dr Strangelove’ meets ‘Micki + Maude’, the general reaction was that 90 minutes of Moore clad in a brown cord jacket and kipper tie, half-heartedly (and no doubt drunkenly) hareing around an LA back-lot with KGB agents on his tail would not fly with the Haight-Ashbury massive. Lucky for all concerned, an on-set intern had the idea of splicing in some stock footage of Eddie Murphy driving around the Mojave Desert in a commandeered tank, shouting ‘I love Iraq!’ to a bunch of extras with boot-polished faces and tea towels on their heads. Murphy would later air his thoughts on ‘Best Defense’ live on national television which, due to their extreme content, cannot be relayed on this site.
Laughs to budget ratio: 70%
The Golden Child (1986)
‘The Golden Child’ was a movie both behind and ahead of its time. In its wholesale appropriation of Eastern cultural symbols into the Hollywood blockbuster it lagged behind both ‘The Karate Kid’ (1984) and ‘Big Trouble in Little China’ (1985). But as an overblown, over-budget, wildly unfunny vehicle for a mugging and sorely miscast Eddie, the film eerily anticipates later tragedies like ‘Pluto Nash’ and ‘Meet Dave’. Here, Eddie travels from LA to Tibet in search of the titular chosen moppet, pursued by a skeletal demon played creepily by Charles Dance until all his skin falls off and he turns into something Ray Harryhausen shat out one wet Sunday afternoon.
Laughs to budget ratio: 40%
Eddie Murphy Raw (1987)
Eddie’s first stand-up video ‘Delirious’ (1983) was a patchy but memorably foul-mouthed Richard Pryor tribute, beloved of rebellious schoolchildren everywhere. But it’s a squeaky-clean cuddlefest compared to the follow-up. 'Raw' stunned audiences with a tirade of anti-feminist invective, foul-mouthed and fearsomely belligerent. Fresh from a nasty divorce, he uses his 90-minute routine as nothing less than comic abuse, a sort of ‘Nil by Mouth’, by mouth. There are diversions: Eddie takes the opportunity to berate Bill Cosby, hurl a few racial insults and discuss his own faeces. But it’s the ‘bitches’ who bear the brunt. Worst of all, its not even that funny.
Laughs to budget ratio: Unapplicable
Harlem Nights (1989)
Murphy wrote, directed and starred in this decidedly rum period comedy opposite Richard Pryor (still ‘hot’ from ‘Hear No Evil, See No Evil’) which, if nothing else, showed that the silver-tongued homme des gags had the capacity to make terrible films even having starred in some sizeable hits. When a harmless back-room dice game descends into fevered gunplay, a bond is wrought between handlebar-moustached ringleader Sugar Ray (Pryor) and smart-mouthed errand boy Quick (Murphy). Unluckily for the Paramount accounts dept (the film cost a cool $30 million to make), the pair decide to develop a nightclub/brothel empire in Harlem in which they strut around in cream suits, brush scantily clad women into the gutter and swear like it's going out of fashion.
Laughs to budget ration: 10%
Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
About as tonally awkward as a society ball held in a Russian slum, Wes Craven’s sub-‘Blacula’ comic horror blockbuster managed to be neither funny nor horrific. With Milli Vanilli locks and a light Jamaican patois, Murphy feels lost at sea as nouveau riche vacationing vampire Maximillian, who heads to New York in order to keep his dwindling family line from ending. One minute Eddie’s spouting terrible joke-book horror gags about how he ‘likes to suck’ and has ‘just eaten’ etc, then we’re treated to revolting close-up shots of him tearing some guy’s heart out and stamping on it like a cigarette butt. The final shot sets up a sequel, but thankfully, it appears no one of import actually got that far.
Laughs to budget ratio: How low can you go?
Holy Man (1998)
Murphy breaks out the fish, barrel and shotgun to have a crack at ‘consumerism’, represented by a gaudy home-shopping channel buckling under the weight of Jeff Goldblum’s Special Acting Style. Eddie plays G, a smiling guru whose accidental intrusion into the lives of TV execs Goldblum and Kelly Preston lands the channel with his serene screen presence, hawking redemptive aphorisms along with the tat. Following the clear economic patterns laid out in Milton Friedman’s 'Screw You, Look At My Yacht', the presence of a white-robed simpleton spouting Christmas-cracker philosophy causes sales to rocket and Goldblum and Preston to become better, less stressed yuppies. Oh, and richer too. It’s another spiritual enema from the director of ‘Mr Holland’s Opus’, Stephen Herek, whose next move was into real comedy with Mark Wahlberg in ‘Rock Star’.
Laughs to budget ratio: None. But also an infinite number.
Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000)
Having felt that he didn’t say enough on the subject of a morbidly obese professor who was able to turn himself into a nubile, sexually voracious stud with the aid of a slimming potion, Murphy decided to re-whir the crankshaft of the already rickety Jerry Lewis vehicle for this sequel in which the star again satisfies his narcissistic urge to play multiple characters. With Janet Jackson on board and a story about vulgar extended family members and gaseous emissions, this laugh-neutral flab farce is probably not the worst movie to emerge from Eddie’s canon, but it’s arguably the one that spawned the ‘fat is funny’ mantra that seems to taint most mainstream Hollywood comedy these days.
Laughs to budget ratio: With a budget of £84 million, that’s £21m per laugh.
The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
Like a flatulent astronaut, the studio waited ages to sneak this one out only to leave everyone feeling browned off. Murphy dusts down his Ladies Man persona as Nash, an ex-con busily turning his run-down nightclub on the moon into a lunar Stringfellows. Naturally, the sudden success of this venture attracts the attention of some kind of moon mob, meaning Murphy has less time to spend purring at Rosario Dawson or horsing around with his robot chum Dennis Quaid and must engage in a series of largely pointless chases in space cars amid a tuppenny-ha’penny approximation of the set of 'Space Precinct'. There is no truth to the rumour that the DVD release has hard-of-hearing subtitles in which every line spoken is transcribed as 'Where’s my paycheck?'
Laughs to budget ratio: 1 to 100 million (US dollars)
The Marketing of Shrek (2001-infinity)
Crass, brash and seemingly neverending, the overbearing cynicism of the ‘Shrek’ movies themselves is only exceeded by the monstrous marketing behemoth that has sprung up around them. A sneering, adolescent lampoon of genuinely magical Disney classics in whose shadow this insignificant piffle isn’t fit to linger, the Shrek series has one consistent saving grace, and ironically it’s Eddie Murphy: his Donkey is the only likeable character in the entire affair, and that’s not just down to the writing. But sadly, Eddie’s just as willing to pander to the whims of the marketing Satan as everyone else involved, which leaves us facing pitiful online clips and cheap, pop-culture referencing DVD extras like ‘Far, Far Away Idol’ and the ‘Shrek the Halls’ TV extravaganza, the most heinous piece of movie-themed festive in-cashing since the 'Star Wars Holiday Special'.
Laughs to budget ratio: Hard to judge
Norbit (2007)
The Zimbabwe edition of Africa News was curiously out of step with world opinion when it described Murphy’s performance in 'Norbit' as 'the most remarkable cinematic tour de force we have ever seen'. For the rest of mankind, the stupid, venal, grossly huge Rasputia (Murphy) tussling for the love of Norbit (Murphy) against Thandie Newton (Newton) played rather too much like a eugenics propaganda movie liberally stuffed with fart jokes. With no redeeming features beyond the ability to repeatedly sexually assault her naive husband, there’s no hope for Rasputia against Newton’s superior woman – slim, beautiful and, crucially, not a man in a latex fatsuit. Her untermensch, overweight misadventures are cut with enough bile to drown any laughs but the film strives not to be pigeon-holed as simply misogynist: its harpoon-obsessed generic comic oriental, Mr Wong (Murphy), is a turn in racial stereotyping to rival the masterly Bao Chai’s Screaming Gook No 2 in Cimino’s ‘The Deer Hunter’.
Laughs to budget ratio: 18%
Author: Paul Fairclough, David Jenkins and Tom Huddleston.
User comments on this story
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- Ben said...
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Katie one word - YYYYAAAAAWWWWWNNNNNNN!!
Hell, I'll play the race card too! Why pick on a black man just trying to make his way in a white washed Hollywood?
I'll leave the last words with the Great man himself, it's boring posting to middle class idiots (like the twats who wrote this trash )
EDDIE MURPHY on SAT NIGHT LIVE:
"If they paid you to do "Best Defense" what they paid me to do "Best Defense", y'all would have done "Best Defense" too."
I think it sums up what a lot of people here think, yeah the man did bad films, but this list isn't only his bad things, it was stretched out to make a cruel, unfunny point on a genius black man.
Murphy haters are borderline racists...they want blacks that are noble like Mandela, if they meet one that just wants to get paid ( because he came from the ghetto) it upsets them. Face it Katie, you Liam and all the other haters have a problem with black men who don't give a f*ck about the usual 'Time Out' sensibility. It's the same with rap stars, meanwhile white rockers keep on doing their thing, white actors keep on turning up for paycheck roles and nothing's said, they don't have the burden of 'representing a people'.....
IF YOU HATE EDDIE, SWITCH OFF, DONT GO TO HIS MOVIES...
And for the record, Murphy's films have grossed Billions, subsribe to IMDB and you'll see even MEET DAVE has pulled in nearly 30 Million in just over 3 weeks. To put that into context, Atonement made about 6 yes thats right, SIX million in just over 3 weeks.... Before we all look down on Murphy...I ask you this, what black superstars do we have in this sorry state of a country? Posted on Aug 05 2008 15:22 - Report as inappropriate
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- Katie said...
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As much as I hate to get drawn into these things, since I know only people with strong opinions actually bother to post on these kinds of comments sections, and hence will always end up starting some kind of argument, but this will most likely be my last word on the subject.
Martin - point number 1, what Nadia said was, don't complain if this list seems critical, because it highlights BAD films, and she was criticizing the taste of anyone who finds these films, which are widely regarded as having bombed (and did at the box office - none of his many oscar nominations were for 'Nutty Professor II', am I right?), funny or in any way defensible.
Point number 2, Ad Hominem is NOT funny, and never will be. It's just a rubbish way to try to win an argument, and usually works because it makes the other person give up and walk away in disgust, which is clearly what Nadia has done. That doesn't mean you have won.
And point number 3, I can't believe you played the race card, that's lame and ridiculous. And, if you follow a link *from the very same page this article is on*, you can find an article on Dana Carvey which slates the poor films made by both Carvey and Mike Myers, both of whom are white, and both of whom, surprise surprise, have made both good and bad films, making your argument completely invalid, since Time Out clearly do criticise other actors.
This article isn't saying Eddie Murphy doesn't deserve his many accollades, or that he isn't funny, but it's saying some of his films weren't as good as his other films. The article is in response to his latest film, Meet Dave, which has received terrible reviews, and I certainly don't plan on going to see it. Or reading your replies to this. But I bet you reply anyway. Posted on Aug 05 2008 05:02 - Report as inappropriate
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- Martin said...
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Why do people attack Eddie Murhpy so much, is it his skin colour?? I don't see Time Out give us a list of Micheal Caine's Crimes Against Film??? Like Murphy he's a guy who's from a rough working class background who likes to work.
When some Hollywood Exec offers him a zillion bucks to do some project he says yes.
It strikes me as extremly snobby to run down actors who like to work opposed to the public school class of actor who can AFFORD to pass on many roles for 'artistic integrity'..... Posted on Aug 04 2008 16:11 - Report as inappropriate
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- Martin said...
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Katie, Nadia insulted the millions of fans of Murphy as people with no taste and ignorant, she said:
. ...''The fact that it riled up such intense and melodramatic emotions in people eager to rush to "poor eddies defence" just shows that you have no idea how editorial journalism works, which might relate to why you have such poor taste in films, appalling grammar and still insist on being the victim of a discriminatory society '.....
The fact Ben highlighted her own message was full of typo's was very funny! It doesn't show Ben was losing the argument, not sure if you've been reading the posts here...Also if anyone looks at that list of awards and nominations, LIAM, looks like your in a sad minority of one if you think Eddie's only good film was 48 Hours??? Posted on Aug 04 2008 16:06 - Report as inappropriate
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- liam said...
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"worst" eddie murphy films is just a contradiction in terms.
The only good film he was in was 48 hours...
;) Posted on Aug 04 2008 06:00 - Report as inappropriate
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- Katie said...
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Wow, Ben, you really do have nothing better to do.
I think Nadia's right - this article is designed to be a list of Eddie Murphy's *worst* films. When someone has an output as prolific as Eddie Murphy, there are bound to be at least SOME crap films. I'd probably disagree with the article's view on the Shrek films (I really enjoyed them) but otherwise I'd agree with most of this. Not all films are amazing, and sometimes it's fun to poke fun at those which didn't quite hit the spot.
Further, if the best argument you can come up with when debating with someone is that their spelling isn't flawless, I think that's a sign you're losing the argument. Posted on Aug 04 2008 05:51 - Report as inappropriate
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- Ben said...
- Pric...sorry I mean Rick, I do hope you come back and defend your 'I hate Eddie' position - I'll enjoy crushing your skinny ass arguments, bring it on baby!! Posted on Aug 01 2008 15:04
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- Ben said...
- Rick, the hole you dig for yourself just gets bigger and bigger. Re-read the post and all will come clear...then follow the advice and crawl back into the small minded hole, from whence you came...You Eddie Murphy haters just can't take the heat can you? Posted on Aug 01 2008 14:57
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- dr mum said...
- This is a lot more amusing than films that go straight to video. Posted on Aug 01 2008 13:25
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- Rick said...
- Rick doesn't rhyme with the letter P asshole. Posted on Aug 01 2008 10:45
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- Rick said...
- Ben, if Nadia's keyboard has fallen silent, it's most likely because she has a life to be getting on with - actually taking the time to look up and write out EM's list of award wins and nominations(!) All you've done so far is abuse everyone who has dared to disagree with you (and he's and Eddie Murphy fan - coincidence?) and come across as an inverted snob (a characteristic which, on the evidence of this site alone, the least one can expect from an EM fan). So why don't you calm yourself down and take a few deep breaths before you type out anything else that makes you look like a bigger tosser than you already are, eh? Posted on Jul 31 2008 13:20
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- Ben said...
- Tumbleweed blows across Nadia's silent keyboard..... Posted on Jul 31 2008 09:24
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- ben said...
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ... Oscar Wilde
If Eddie's box office billions don't impress, how about the following 'for your consideration':
Nominated, Oscar
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role for Dreamgirls (2006)
2002
• Nominated, BAFTA Film Award
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role for Shrek
2007
• Nominated, Black Reel
Best Supporting Actor for Dreamgirls (2006)
2002
• Nominated, Black Reel
Theatrical - Best Supporting Actor for Shrek (2001)
2000
• Nominated, Black Reel
Theatrical - Best Actor for Bowfinger (1999)
Emmy Awards
1999
• Nominated, Emmy
Outstanding Animated Program (For Programming One Hour or Less) for The PJs (1999
1984
• Nominated, Emmy
Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program for Saturday Night Live
2007
• Won, Golden Globe
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Dreamgirls (2006)
1997
• Nominated, Golden Globe
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy/Musical for The Nutty Professor (1996)
1985
• Nominated, Golden Globe
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy/Musical for Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
1984
• Nominated, Golden Globe
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy/Musical for Trading Places (1983)
1983
• Nominated, Golden Globe
New Star of the Year in a Motion Picture - Male for 48 Hrs. (1982)
Screen Actors Guild Awards
2007
• Won, Actor
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role for Dreamgirls Posted on Jul 31 2008 09:21 - Report as inappropriate
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- dr mum said...
- I don't understand how comedy is the lowest common denominator. Porno take that position surely? Posted on Jul 31 2008 09:20
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- nadia said...
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A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
Oscar Wilde
*note: being a box office success is no reflection of his talent, a lot of stupid people go to the cinema Posted on Jul 31 2008 09:10 - Report as inappropriate
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