Young Adventures

As JJ Abrams’ upcoming ‘Star Trek’ movie explores the formative years of Kirk, Spock and the gang, Time Out imagines a few more classic movie characters in their younger days…

Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) from ‘The Shining’
Diary entry dated 13/5/55:
Dad just arrived home from another goddamn PTA meeting. One of the MANY things they seemed to agree about is that my last few essays have become increasingly ‘repetitive’ and that I should put way more time and effort into them. Don’t they know that all work and no play makes me a dull boy!?! Dad seems to side with EVERYBODY but me. One thing I know is that if I ever have a son, I’m going to make sure and take extra special care of him. I can assure you, diary, that boy is going to receive as much one-on-one time with his dad as any growing lad could ever hope for…

The Man with No Name (Clint Eastwood) from ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly’
Santa Fe Sheriff’s Office Arrest Report: Name unknown, alias ‘Blondie’. Age: 17. Possessions: one Smith n Wesson, no bullets. 1 pouch tobaccy. 1 poncho, 1 hat.
Sheriff’s notes: Kid come in here acting all smart, shootin his mouth off. Seems he tried to boost Ol’ Man Johnson’s prize steer and got busted. Had some sneaky Mex kid with him, but he ran off n left his buddy behind to face the music. Took the kid in for resistin arrest and grand theft. God, but that boy can talk. On my way now to beat some sense into him. Maybe a few slugs to the jaw’ll make him shut the hell up.

Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor) from ‘Trainspotting’
‘Jim’ll Fix It’ letter, 25/1/84:
Dear Jum, if it isnae too much boather, could ye fix it for me and a couple of pals to take a wee trip on the Yam-Yam Express? We started out on fizzy cola bottles but soon found ourselves dropping Irn-Bru and space dust speedballs just tae get through school. A big boy called Begbie has warned us against taking it any further, but if we don’t get well soon I think Sick Boy might resort tae the out o’ date Soda Stream concentrate he found at the back of his Nan’s kitchen cupboard.

Yours expectantly, Mark Renton, aged 12

The Lieutenant (Harvey Keitel) from ‘Bad Lieutenant’
Specialist Section: First Year Evaluation Report
Has consistently show shown himself a courteous and effective member of the traffic division, willing to go the extra mile to give citizens what they deserve. Might want to reign in his emotional side as some members of the public have been alarmed by his jaw-grinding, weeping and fumbling in his pants pocket when dispatching parking tickets. However, the Divisional Chaplin has high praise for this rookie’s deep religious conviction which will doubtless be a great source of strength in the field.

Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) from ‘Basic Instinct’
Letter to my pen pal:
Dear Pen Pal. God, boys are soooo stupid. I swear, I can get them to do anything I want. Like, this one time, this kid Mike was being mean to me, so I promised this other guy Bruce an ounce of fizzy sherbet and a kiss on the cheek to beat the crap out of him, and he went right off and did it. He might of gone too far ‘cos Mike’s in the hospital now but I guess it serves him right. Dumb boy. Girls are so much more mature, and prettier, and more awesome. Gotta go, I think I hear my dumb little brother coming. Wow, this pencil is pointy.

E.T. from ‘E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial’
Biology report: Space/time Astroyear 31,777,698.
E’s work has really improved this year. His bio-psychic powers are expanding, and he’s been top of the class in plant communications, floral pathology and spontaneous regeneration. He is inquisitive and a quick learner, and very good with his hands. But his main problem has been consistent tardiness. If I hear one more excuse about missing the school shuttle I swear I’ll tie his neck in a knot.

Francisco Manuel de Silva (Klaus Kinski) from ‘Cobra Verde’
Gap Year postcard from Accra:
Hi guy, chilling out in Ghana and this place is wicked! Had to cut short the South American leg, trouble keeping the old trousers zipped as per – you know me!! Been working with an NGO helping local kids get work in Brazil. To be honest they seem pretty bloody ungrateful but can’t do the old CV any harm, yeah? Hoping to be home for the Rugby Sevens but I can definitely see myself coming back here one day, I’ve got some outstanding ideas about how to run things. Will FB pics of my new haircut, I look like a lunatic!!

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