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The Cottage (2008)

Director: Paul Andrew Williams

Time Out rating

Average user rating

18 reviews

Movie review

From Time Out London

Writer-director Paul Andrew Williams’ follow-up to ‘London to Brighton’ is, by his own admission, a film of two halves: the trouble is, neither of them works. It begins as a comedy crime caper: the bossy David (Andy Serkis) and his wimpy brother, Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a gangster’s foul-mouthed daughter, Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), but bite off more than they can chew.

Things take a violent swerve when this sorry trio, Tracey’s dopey step-brother Andrew (Steven O’Donnell) and a pair of stereotypical Chinese hitmen fall foul of The Farmer, a hideously scarred psycho with a ready supply of agricultural implements. Guts are spilled, toes are amputated, a leg is pick-axed and everyone loses their head – one of them, literally.

Andy Serkis shouts a lot, as if raising the decibel level will compensate for the dire dialogue, while Jennifer Ellison displays more cleavage than acting ability. Only ‘League of Gentleman’ alumnus Shearsmith has the measure of the material, but his subtle character work is simply drowned out. A jaunty, nerve-grating score by Laura Rossi embodies the air of forced, empty jokiness.

Author: Nigel Floyd

Time Out London 1960 March 12 - 18

User reviews of this film

Dani said...

Posted on Apr 29 2008 16:56 This is the worst film I think I have ever seen, was expecting something like severance or shawn of the dead, but was complete rubbish. the story line was bad and didn't really make any sence, I don't mind swearing in films at all, but the amount that came out of Jennifer Elissons mouth was copmpletely over the top, don't think I have ever heard some one say CU*T so many times. Worst Film EVER MADE

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Steve said...

Posted on Apr 11 2008 02:59 Andy Serkiss is great, the film is crap.

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Steve said...

Posted on Apr 11 2008 02:58 Black comedy thats not funny, apart from Andy Serkiss its total crap.

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Daniel said...

Posted on Apr 03 2008 15:41 This is the worst film i have ever seen, jennifer ellison is a crap actress! Despite her good looks i hope this is the last time we see her in the 'big' screen. There a plenty more good looking women that could do a much better job. Awful Brit movie

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nigel said...

Posted on Apr 03 2008 05:46 Waste of space this film was.....whilst i was looking forward to a brit flick that could have built on the strengths of Shaun of the Dead, this was a let down. From the outset an air of anticipation about where the characters and their paranoia were headed filled me, until the dulcit tones of young J.Ellison broke into full force. Any need for a woman to utter the 'c' word so much i na film? shock value i suppose? well......i was shocked, J.Ellison was terrible and only there as eye candy, until she opened her mouth. Serkis has potential i nterms of his screen presence but a poor script and mish mash of ideas spoiled it. Had a few laughs watching it, but it really does not do much to promote the British film industry which is particularly hit and miss in recent years....worth a few quid from the video shop if there is nothing else out, but money spent to go to the cinema???/ save your money, go for a pint instead

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Gem said...

Posted on Mar 29 2008 10:40 I think this film is great, me and my boyfreind went to see this the other night and I could not stop laughing all the way though. If you like Sleverance then you will love this film.

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Rob Howell said...

Posted on Mar 27 2008 14:16 Ok, it was a bit slow to get going but I laughed out loud at some of the scenes and jumped at others. At the end I felt that I had had value for money and had been entertained. I loved the film and if you a fan of trashy horror paperbacks and like your horror films to be gory and feature a monstrous baddie then this is for you!! If you prefer films that make you think, then avoid it like the plague!!

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Hannah said...

Posted on Mar 27 2008 13:01 BLOODY AWFUL! I had never walked out a film in my life until i went to see this one. I can't believe it made it to the cinema. If I could give it a zero rating I would.

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lee said...

Posted on Mar 26 2008 10:14 what a complete load of crap! I used to like jenny e but after this pile of pooh I would be happy if I never saw her again!!!!

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formanisgalalloneword said...

Posted on Mar 25 2008 20:33 wonk

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Jodie B said...

Posted on Mar 25 2008 15:48 Thought the film was really good and funny, would definitely recommend it. The three main characters were excellent and very well acted. GO SEE IT!

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jamez said...

Posted on Mar 24 2008 17:40 this is a krap film tbh , dont waste ur money acidently clicked 5 star oops :)

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josie said...

Posted on Mar 23 2008 18:26 This film was the worse film I have ever seen, what a waste of money, rubbish!

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sean said...

Posted on Mar 22 2008 13:28 Wot a load of b.a fat boy, it should of been called the terraced hotel or caravan

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Mr Somebody?!?!?!?! said...

Posted on Mar 20 2008 16:35 I haven't seen this movie but it sounds rubbish....no affens......i just wanna say: I LOVE FRODO BAGGINS!

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