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Bookmark this pageThe Cottage (2008)
Director: Paul Andrew Williams
Movie review
From Time Out London
Writer-director Paul Andrew Williams’ follow-up to ‘London to Brighton’ is, by his own admission, a film of two halves: the trouble is, neither of them works. It begins as a comedy crime caper: the bossy David (Andy Serkis) and his wimpy brother, Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a gangster’s foul-mouthed daughter, Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), but bite off more than they can chew.Things take a violent swerve when this sorry trio, Tracey’s dopey step-brother Andrew (Steven O’Donnell) and a pair of stereotypical Chinese hitmen fall foul of The Farmer, a hideously scarred psycho with a ready supply of agricultural implements. Guts are spilled, toes are amputated, a leg is pick-axed and everyone loses their head – one of them, literally.
Andy Serkis shouts a lot, as if raising the decibel level will compensate for the dire dialogue, while Jennifer Ellison displays more cleavage than acting ability. Only ‘League of Gentleman’ alumnus Shearsmith has the measure of the material, but his subtle character work is simply drowned out. A jaunty, nerve-grating score by Laura Rossi embodies the air of forced, empty jokiness.
Author: Nigel Floyd
Time Out London 1960 March 12 - 18
User reviews of this film
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- IainS said...
- Posted on Aug 02 2009 20:05 Didn't go to see this in the cinema due to the bad review, saw it on Sky and loved it. Cheesy, incoherent, shocking crap which I confidently predict will assume the status of "Cult Movie" in years to come....
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- sambo said...
- Posted on Jul 16 2009 14:58 this movie is beta den SAW.........................NOT!!!!!
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- Jamal said...
- Posted on Dec 17 2008 01:18 ABSOLUTE RUBBISH! definitely 1 of the worst films ive ever seen. The acting was horrendous especially Jennifer Elisson, i bet there was no script wirrten for her and she was just paid soley to randomly shout out anything with profanity in it. Really cheesy storyline with no real spice or consistency. I never laughed once throughout the whole film and i was relieved when it was all over. 0/10
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- louise said...
- Posted on Nov 19 2008 09:55 i liked it...bit of harmless fun that made me chuckle.
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- TheJuebear said...
- Posted on Oct 14 2008 14:07 I have to agree with the other reviews it was a terrible movie. I only paid 1p to watch it and that was too much!
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- KerseyVee said...
- Posted on Aug 14 2008 15:57 Bizarre... I live in a small village and thought this film would be ironic, a bit like a funnier version of Deliverance, but it was just rubbish. The plot swing was just ridiculous - I was hoping for more zombie/ghost villagers instead, but what we got instead was a bad mask and make-up job with a bit of a perverted background story.
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- Andy said...
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Posted on Jul 22 2008 22:08
Absolute and total nonsense all the way through, but vaguely enjoyable, Jennifer Ellison should not say anything, ever, either on film or in real life.
I also reckon that most of your public reviewers are entirely illiterate morons!
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- Ian said...
- Posted on Jul 17 2008 00:31 I think the people who have given this film a bad rating really need to establish just what kind of movie they like because going to watch this when you are a fan of tight plots and oscar nominated performances is like expecting the performance of a Rolls Royce when you are driving a Ford. This film doles out everything you could want in less than 90 minutes of fun filled horror and gore... it doesn't prentend to be anything more than that!
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- Mothra said...
- Posted on Jun 10 2008 00:32 This film was pretty good. It was fun all the way through, with plenty of action, gore and some inept criminals. Not gonna win an oscar but entertained me loads. I`d recommend.
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- The Farmer said...
- Posted on Jun 02 2008 00:29 Loved it! Gorehounds rejoice,ignore the bad feedback.
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- Dani said...
- Posted on Apr 29 2008 16:56 This is the worst film I think I have ever seen, was expecting something like severance or shawn of the dead, but was complete rubbish. the story line was bad and didn't really make any sence, I don't mind swearing in films at all, but the amount that came out of Jennifer Elissons mouth was copmpletely over the top, don't think I have ever heard some one say CU*T so many times. Worst Film EVER MADE
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- Steve said...
- Posted on Apr 11 2008 02:59 Andy Serkiss is great, the film is crap.
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- Steve said...
- Posted on Apr 11 2008 02:58 Black comedy thats not funny, apart from Andy Serkiss its total crap.
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- Daniel said...
- Posted on Apr 03 2008 15:41 This is the worst film i have ever seen, jennifer ellison is a crap actress! Despite her good looks i hope this is the last time we see her in the 'big' screen. There a plenty more good looking women that could do a much better job. Awful Brit movie
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- nigel said...
- Posted on Apr 03 2008 05:46 Waste of space this film was.....whilst i was looking forward to a brit flick that could have built on the strengths of Shaun of the Dead, this was a let down. From the outset an air of anticipation about where the characters and their paranoia were headed filled me, until the dulcit tones of young J.Ellison broke into full force. Any need for a woman to utter the 'c' word so much i na film? shock value i suppose? well......i was shocked, J.Ellison was terrible and only there as eye candy, until she opened her mouth. Serkis has potential i nterms of his screen presence but a poor script and mish mash of ideas spoiled it. Had a few laughs watching it, but it really does not do much to promote the British film industry which is particularly hit and miss in recent years....worth a few quid from the video shop if there is nothing else out, but money spent to go to the cinema???/ save your money, go for a pint instead
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Cast & crew
Director: Paul Andrew Williams
Cast: Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison, Steven O’Donnell full cast
Genre(s): Horror
Rated: 18
Duration: 92 mins
UK Release: Mar 14 2008
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