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Bookmark this pageThe Cottage (2008)
Director: Paul Andrew Williams
Movie review
From Time Out London
Writer-director Paul Andrew Williams’ follow-up to ‘London to Brighton’ is, by his own admission, a film of two halves: the trouble is, neither of them works. It begins as a comedy crime caper: the bossy David (Andy Serkis) and his wimpy brother, Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a gangster’s foul-mouthed daughter, Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), but bite off more than they can chew.Things take a violent swerve when this sorry trio, Tracey’s dopey step-brother Andrew (Steven O’Donnell) and a pair of stereotypical Chinese hitmen fall foul of The Farmer, a hideously scarred psycho with a ready supply of agricultural implements. Guts are spilled, toes are amputated, a leg is pick-axed and everyone loses their head – one of them, literally.
Andy Serkis shouts a lot, as if raising the decibel level will compensate for the dire dialogue, while Jennifer Ellison displays more cleavage than acting ability. Only ‘League of Gentleman’ alumnus Shearsmith has the measure of the material, but his subtle character work is simply drowned out. A jaunty, nerve-grating score by Laura Rossi embodies the air of forced, empty jokiness.
Author: Nigel Floyd
Time Out London 1960 March 12 - 18
User reviews of this film
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- Gem said...
- Posted on Mar 29 2008 10:40 I think this film is great, me and my boyfreind went to see this the other night and I could not stop laughing all the way though. If you like Sleverance then you will love this film.
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- Rob Howell said...
- Posted on Mar 27 2008 14:16 Ok, it was a bit slow to get going but I laughed out loud at some of the scenes and jumped at others. At the end I felt that I had had value for money and had been entertained. I loved the film and if you a fan of trashy horror paperbacks and like your horror films to be gory and feature a monstrous baddie then this is for you!! If you prefer films that make you think, then avoid it like the plague!!
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- Hannah said...
- Posted on Mar 27 2008 13:01 BLOODY AWFUL! I had never walked out a film in my life until i went to see this one. I can't believe it made it to the cinema. If I could give it a zero rating I would.
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- lee said...
- Posted on Mar 26 2008 10:14 what a complete load of crap! I used to like jenny e but after this pile of pooh I would be happy if I never saw her again!!!!
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- formanisgalalloneword said...
- Posted on Mar 25 2008 20:33 wonk
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- Jodie B said...
- Posted on Mar 25 2008 15:48 Thought the film was really good and funny, would definitely recommend it. The three main characters were excellent and very well acted. GO SEE IT!
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- jamez said...
- Posted on Mar 24 2008 17:40 this is a krap film tbh , dont waste ur money acidently clicked 5 star oops :)
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- josie said...
- Posted on Mar 23 2008 18:26 This film was the worse film I have ever seen, what a waste of money, rubbish!
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- sean said...
- Posted on Mar 22 2008 13:28 Wot a load of b.a fat boy, it should of been called the terraced hotel or caravan
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- Mr Somebody?!?!?!?! said...
- Posted on Mar 20 2008 16:35 I haven't seen this movie but it sounds rubbish....no affens......i just wanna say: I LOVE FRODO BAGGINS!
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- Laura Armstrong said...
- Posted on Mar 20 2008 14:16 Simply dire.
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- Sean said...
- Posted on Mar 20 2008 11:29 This really is the worst ever film i have seen!!!! DO NOT waste your money! As soon as the film starts and you see how cheap and poreley made the graphics and sounds is, you know this film is a huge mistake! me and the people i went with looked at each other 20mins into the film and said "shall we just leave"?- but if the tickets weren't so expensive we would have deffinaltey walked out of there- THIS FILM IS PAINFUL!!
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- charlie said...
- Posted on Mar 19 2008 11:16 this was a load of crap, the worst film ive seen in a long time, there was a bit of humour and thats about it
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- Xollob said...
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Posted on Mar 19 2008 00:55
There where 4 good bits in this film, when the fat bint in it got stabbed, when it was headbutted by the creepy farmer, when the fat bint got her head cut off, and then the end credits.
By far the most painfull film i've ever seen, even worse than tomb raider. - Report as inappropriate
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- Steve K said...
- Posted on Mar 18 2008 15:02 Appalling film that looks like the script is written on the back of a matchbox. I'm glad they all died. If they make films like this they should. British crap at its worst. Don't bother wasting your money.
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Cast & crew
Director: Paul Andrew Williams
Cast: Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison, Steven O’Donnell full cast
Genre(s): Horror
Rated: 18
Duration: 92 mins
UK Release: Mar 14 2008
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