Around Town

Skint mate from college | Grandparents | Teenage relative | Party animal | Friend with kids | Mum and dad | Long-distance lover | Seen-it-all-before cynic

The seen-it-all-before cynic
Lunch
Brave the Egyptian cafe Ali Baba (32 Ivor Place, NW1), where you can sample molokhia, a soup of stewed leaves with the consistency of snot that was considered so revolting it was banned in the eleventh century. That said, the food is what you’d get in a Cairo home, and highly tasty.

Museum
There’s nowhere quite like Dennis Severs’s House (18 Folgate St, E1), a historic Spitalfields town house that is a mixture of art, theatre and museum – it’s certainly unique amongst the city’s attractions. There are extraordinary Christmas candlelit tours as well.

Shop
Marvel at some good old English eccentricity at Swaine Adney Brigg (54 St James's Street, SW1), purveyor of top-quality Panama hats, Champagne coolers, shooting sticks, tweed britches, polo kit , leather luggage and £8,000 hampers. Or just shut your joyless friend up with some extravagant handmade truffles from nearby Prestat (14 Princes Arcade, SW1). It this delightfully old-fashioned chocolatier doesn't bring a tear to their eye and a thrill to their heart then they are beyond redemption. Feature continues

Bar
London isn’t bursting with weird and quirky themed bars (O’Neill’s doesn’t count), but we do boast the Kempinski Courthouse (19-21 Great Marlborough St, W1), a bar housed in the magistrate’s court where Oscar Wilde got sent down. It has converted prison cells as booths, urinal ice buckets and penal-themed cocktails. Otherwise there’s always CVO Firevault (36 Great Titchfield Street, W1), the only place in the world that sells both alcoholic beverages and a full range of heaters. Your mate might actually need a sit down and a stiff drink once he’s tempted to fork out three grand on a van Outersterp blue-flame fire bowl .

Dinner
So your guest thinks they’ve sampled everything there is to eat? Take them to Archipelago (110 Whitfield Street, W1) where adventurous gourmandisers can chow down on crispy bugs, crocodile fillet, and gnu (it tastes like a cross between rabbit and beef, apparently).

Evening
If your mate still isn’t impressed or even rattled, it’s time to pull out the big (or possibly not so big) guns. On Saturday nights, Vauxhall’s South Central (349 Kennington Lane, SE11) hosts Starkers, a nude disco. It’s unisex, but is predictably mostly full of older men. And we have no idea where you’re supposed to put your loose change.

Skint mate from college | Grandparents | Teenage relative | Party animal | Friend with kids | Mum and dad | Long-distance lover | Seen-it-all-before cynic