Quiet bars in London where you can actually hear yourself think

This Mayfair haunt is the ultimate hotel bar, stately-home luxurious and warmly welcoming. The drinks cost a fortune, but they’re so strong you can’t have more than one without slipping into a coma. And the bottomless bowls of nibbles are a meal in themselves. 

Wackily over-decorated and deeply comfortable, the Zetter is the most distinctive bar in Clerkenwell, and perfect for a quiet rendezvous or catch-up with friends. Drinks are reasonably priced for this level of quality, comfort – and quiet. 

Part of the swanky Town Hall Hotel, P&P is chic in a very understated way. Furnishings are easy on the eye, and you’re given plenty of space at the tables. Punning cocktail names will make you wince with pain; friendly bar staff will soothe it away. 

Is it warm enough to sit outside? Then cross your fingers for one of the few courtyard tables allocated to barflies at this Soho spot. But you won’t be sorry at the large indoor bar, either. Prices are high, but no higher than a lot of swish London hotel bars. 

This is the landing pad of choice for drinkers of every age seeking a great, well priced cocktail in a low-noise space in the heart of the West End. And how often do you see those words in the same sentence? Go on, think about it.  

This flagship of cocktail wizard Tony Conigliaro’s fleet is actually dinghy-sized, which means two things. One: you need to book. Two: you’ll be able to talk without shouting, even when the pianist is in full flow. 

You don’t have to speak Spanish here to feel Spanish, savouring sherry and tapas with a huge crowd of fellow aficionados – maybe as many as 20 if the place is full. King’s Cross is 100 feet away; it feels like a million miles. 

The ground-floor whisky bar is as quiet as bars get: it seats around ten. For cocktails, go through the false bookcase to the basement; it’s pretty quiet there, too, if not pin-drop material. 

This cool-looking Kentish Town basement bar plays great music at a tasteful volume, and if you’re in one of the ‘cells’ (this used to be a police station), you’re in your own little world. Very special.

Quiet times here mean Monday evening and Tuesday-Saturday before 8pm. That’s when the crowds – and the DJ – arrive. Early birds might have the place to themselves. Subterranean bliss.