The Big Smoke

Would like to meet: one of Single Solution's Asian speed-dating nights

London worships many different gods. But it sometimes seems like Cupid isn’t one of them. What with the massively transient population, the urban alienation, the rocketing house prices and some of the longest working hours in Europe, Londoners of all denominations are staying single for longer than ever. It’s hard enough if you’re young, white, agnostic and up for it. But spare a thought for those who find our quaint native mating rituals profoundly unappealing. You don’t have to be Muslim to find the seasonal prospect of being hit on by a beery bloke with burger-breath and a GSOH (ie a flashing Reindeer nose protruding from his flies) repugnant. But if you are a twenty- or thirtysomething Muslim – or indeed Sikh, Hindu or Buddhist – then you’re not that likely to find a likeminded lover lurking by the office photocopier either.
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‘Me and my friends are more independent than our parents’ generation,’ explains Amira, a 32-year-old lawyer with a City firm, who does not wear the veil, but nevertheless wishes to marry someone who shares her background and her faith. ‘I want to choose the man I marry. But I work 50 hours a week and the only people I meet at work are married middle-aged white guys.’ For strict Muslims, dating is haram (forbidden). But, like many second- and third-generation Asian Sikhs and Hindus, Amira started speed dating in the hope of locating the suitable boy that her family and friends couldn’t provide.

For Sonia, the director of AsianSpeedD8, it’s a familiar story. ‘There’s always loads of stuff about arranged marriages in the press,’ she says. ‘But Asian society isn’t like that these days. And it’s not just the kids who are untraditional: I get parents calling me up looking to send their daughter or son speed dating.’ The statistics bear it out: AsianSpeedD8, with a turnover of 1,000 daters per month, claims to be the biggest rapid Cupid on the block. But there are many others, and they all say that speed dating is becoming increasingly popular among Muslim, Sikh and Hindu twenty- and thirtysomethings.

‘We tend to get a fairly secular bunch,’ says Ben Tisdale, director of SpeedDater. ‘But the whole format works really well in London, partly because there’s such a huge rate of churn, with people arriving who don’t know anyone, and partly because there’s more incentive for it to work if it’s within a community that’s closed to some extent.’ His argument makes even more sense when you consider that speed dating was actually invented by a West Coast Rabbi in America, keen to maximise Jewish match-making among the children of his flock. And when I go along to an Asian speed-dating party organised by Single Solution (another company which specialises in Muslim, Sikh and Hindu events), it’s easy to see why it’s so popular.

The fun starts at clocking-off time, in a top-floor bar in Leicester Square. There are no chocolate fountains tonight (along with panoramic views, these seem to be a signature offering in the speed-dating world). But the crowd that assembles, clutching briefcases and business cards, or hastily applying sparkly make-up in the loos, has a far nicer, more relaxed vibe than you’d find in your average West End watering hole. ‘It’s cosier than being out there,’ says Rajit, a twentysomething doctor who’s been along to several dating parties with his sister and her friends. ‘But it’s just a twenty-first century version of something which is as old as the hills.’

Most of the daters I speak to say they’re up for making friends as much as looking for ‘the one’, though that’s the ‘ultimate ambition that it would be nice to fulfil’. Haroon, a 32-year-old executive who divides his time between LA, London and Canada, goes speed dating in all three places. ‘I don’t have a whole load of time to spare, and it’s a great way to meet people,’ he explains. ‘My parents are back in India and they’ve just about given up on me; every time I go home for Christmas they’re like, “How can you only come for three days? This is not enough time to meet the girl as well.”’ But when I do find the one, I think she’ll be a working woman, someone who understands having a career. I don’t think I’d be happy with just a housewife, and I think they know that.’

Parental reactions seem very different from person to person. For some, like Amira, the Muslim lawyer, the speed dates are a well-kept secret; for others, it’s pressure from mum and dad which frog-marched them to the speed-dating table in the first place. As for their verdicts on the actual speed dating, well, they’re just as various: I hear ‘excruciating’, ‘boring’ and ‘torture’ as often as ‘useful’ and ‘fun’. Though there does seem to be a bit of a gender pattern emerging: most of the girls complain that three minutes isn’t long enough to get to know someone, most of the guys think it’s at least two minutes too long.

As for the actual strike rate, that’s also hard to pin down. The match rate (a match occurs when two daters both tick the ‘would like to meet again’ box on their forms) is about 80 per cent. But an initial match doesn’t make a marriage, although Sonia, director of AsianSpeedD8, says that her best friend met her husband at a speed-dating event a couple of years ago.

None of the people I speak to have had successful relationships through speed dating, but then, they wouldn’t still be doing it if they had. Still, it’s got to be more effective than hitting the town with a sprig of mistletoe in hand. And there’s good news for those who fail to find true love photocopying its arse at the office party this Christmas: the speed-dating season hits its peak in January, kick-started by all those spanking new year’s resolutions about sorting your life out.

Names have been changed.
For more info visit www.asianspeedd8.com, www.speeddater.co.uk and www.singlesolution.com