The Big Smoke

Welcome to Hate, Unlimited. We gave you the opportunity to share your views on the Londoners you loathe, and boy, did you respond.

If our poll of more than 500 Londoners is correct, Ken Livingstone may not keep his job beyond May: he received more than twice as many nominations as Boris Johnson. Nobody seems to hate Brian Paddick. But does that make him more likely to become Mayor, or less?

Tony Blair pipped Gordon Brown to the post – although this may be one vote our current PM is happy not to win. And there were surprises: estate agents tying with recruitment consultants (and Russell Brand tying with both); a mere one vote for Gordon Ramsay, surely a magnet for hatred if ever there was one. And, while various elements of London’s public transport, unsurprisingly, drive us all nuts, it turns out those irritating people who stand mid-pavement handing out free evening papers are almost as annoying.

Some people’s votes were never going to be replicated (although it’s possible that more than one of you really, really hate ‘Mick Hucknall on a visit to London’, it’s unlikely). Some of your unusually worded dislikes are specific: ‘My ex-boyfriend who made me leave London for him and then cheated on me. Twat.’ Others are more general: ‘Whoever is up there who keeps leaving the tap on and causing all the flooding down here.’

Our city is a wonderful place, but frequently a frustrating one; it has been our pleasure to provide a neutral space for you to vent your spleen. Now, time to sharpen the knives…
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London's least wanted
'Chewing gum on the streets bothers me. I don’t know why we do that. It doesn’t happen in many other cities in the world. I used to think it was something to do with the paving stones that meant they were all speckled like that. I didn’t realise it was chewing gum until five years ago.'
Sophia Myles, actress

'There are just too many people. I suppose that’s why we love cities. On the one hand the buzz of it and the endless possibilities of all those people but it can dehumanise us too. I grew up in Sheffield, and I still miss the way strangers will share a joke or have a little chat. If you do that in London, people think you’re strange. I understand that desire to protect yourself and keep others at arm's length in case they turn out to be aggressive or weird but it can cut us off, not just from others but from yourself. It cuts us off from our humanity. It’s that kind of four-wheel-drive, protect-yourself-and-keep-everything-else-at-bay mentality. Perhaps it’s something to do with the extremes of wealth and poverty you get in the capital. It’s an age of conspicuous consumption and that’s difficult when people are living cheek by jowl with each other.'
Polly Teale, co-artistic director Shared Experience

'I hate the City (as in the financial sector). Its sheer jealousy. I just can’t bear the amount of money those people earn. So young, so rich, so arrogant. They’ve driven house prices through the roof in every trendy part of London so that great artists like me have to live in Enfield.'
Hal Cruttenden, comedian

‘What I hate most about central London is marauding groups of drunk blokes on a Friday night who think they own the place and feel it is incumbent upon them to act like Vikings. I have always hated the power of the group that seems to enable gangs of drunk men to behave like complete arseholes towards women and I honestly don’t know which is worse, being attractive to them or not. The former I suspect… Not a problem for me.’
Jo Brand, comedian

‘How about Chariots at Spitalfields? Oh sure, it’s London’s largest gay sauna, but I’ve also gotten scabies (burrowing mites) there… THREE TIMES! And no, before you ask, it wasn’t worth it. The pool is nice but the place has gone down there since they stopped serving dinner by the whirlpool. I had a very nice piece of fish there, years ago. Seriously. Other than that, I guess it’s the audiences in Camden. They’re far too classy for their own good. Now, classy is good, when fighting a war. That’s why America has let the Brits join us in Iraq: the English make indiscriminate murder seem sophisticated. But as far as audiences go, those Camden cunts are smug, and they sit spread-eagled in the first two rows acting like they own the place.
Scott Capurro, comedian

‘People. The millions of people all using the tube at the same time and then not rioting like the French when the trains don’t come and so the system never gets any better. Tube prices. Has no Londoner ever been abroad? Free newspapers distributors. This is not a field. There is already no space. Landlords. To own property in London you have to be the Queen.’
Simon Howarth, Curzon Soho

‘I really hate the way there is always so much to bloody do! It’s impossible to be bored but it’s almost always impossible to justify having a night in. I hate that and London Lite.’
Lizzy Whirrity, Curzon Soho

‘Malnourished young girls who wave their tassel-covered chicken fillets under the guise of ‘burlesque’. Buy a dictionary ladies.’
Bourgeois & Maurice, alternative cabaret performers

'All I'm asking for is an element of discretion. If I'm driving in Wardour Street with my two-year-old screaming her lungs out in the back of the car of course I'm gonna pull over, get out of the car, go round and console her. What I don’t need is a ticket planted on my windscreen as I'm trying to explain the situation to a warden.’
Sean Rowley, Guilty Pleasures

‘I hate the very thought of heading into central London in rush-hour traffic, among loads of aggressive and inconsiderate drivers – on a 30-minute journey which is guaranteed to take over an hour and a half.’
Colin McMillan, former world Featherweight Boxing Champion

‘That rude bloke what stands on the post thing in Trafalgar Square. I dunno his name but he must really reckon himself cause he never waves back.’
Marc Wootton. 'Marc Wooton Exposed' is on BBC3 Fridays at 11pm

‘People who dig up roads and pavements. It’s not the hold-ups I mind, or the fact that they don’t coordinate their work with the guys who are going to come along next week and dig it all up again. What really annoys me is that when they put the road/pavement back they are too incompetent or too careless to make it the same colour, the same level or even the same material. Ah well, it’ll soon be covered over with chewing gum. Now, that’s something I REALLY hate.’
Peter Murray, Exhibition Director, New London Architecture. Director, London Festival of Architecture

'If I was Mayor I’d abolish the congestion charge and the new emissions regulations because they just smack of more surreptitious taxes to me. They should look closer to home: as an occasional cyclist I’m no great fan of the clouds of diesel smoke coming out of some black cabs or London buses… Oh, and there’s always the other football team in North London. Gooners can say whatever they want: the score still reads 5-1. As a long-suffering Spurs fan I couldn’t quite believe it, I was at JFK and I spent a fortune on my mobile keeping up with that game, but it was worth it.'
Norman Jay MBE, DJ

'Speed bumps! Not all speed bumps, but those monstrously huge ones that are built like little castles. They moan about Chelsea tractors, but you need a 4x4 so that you don’t destroy your car on those things! I don’t own a car, but I still hate them. I hate Tottenham Hotspur. It is quite irrational I suppose, being as I’m a lover, not a fighter, but it’s something to do with having blue blood – Chelsea just hate Tottenham. It’s an old rivalry. When I lived in Highgate I could see the roof of their ground and I thought “that would be ‘scuddable’ from here...” ’
Mr C, DJ and club promoter