The Big Smoke

Gabriel à l'Ambassade Française

As a couch potato by trade, my instinct is to advise those in search of a French fix to pop some Serge Gainsbourg on their iPod, turn on French-language channel TV5 (Sky channel 805, Virgin 845) and consult www.francetoyourdoor.com to service any other needs. As a reluctant human being by nature, however, duty lies elsewhere. Venturing outside, it’s clear that French influence extends beyond ‘’Allo ’Allo’ and into the city around us, from architecture and gastronomy to culture and the imminent fling with cycling.

By bringing the Tour de France to England, the French are continuing a tradition established when the Normans forced civilisation on these barbaric Isles. Their arrival began a trend that has seen the capital’s French population rise to 300,000 and make London the seventh largest French conurbation in the world.

Un peu de la Littérature avec Au Fil Des Mots

South Kensington
Most symbolic of the trend was the recent decision of France’s current Marianne, Laetitia Casta, to move to Knightsbridge. Casta’s new home and, to an even greater extent South Kensington, form the cultural centre of London’s French community and seem as good a place as any to start a two-wheeled tour. For an area called Little France, it’s uncommonly full of grandes fromages. The French Embassy in Knightsbridge (58 Knightsbridge, SW1) has been occupied since 1853, when the then ambassador leased it from MP and fraudulent railway tycoon George Hudson for £1,800 a year.

The French government’s cultural representative in the capital is L’Institut Français (17 Queensberry Place and 14 Cromwell Place, SW7), founded in 1910 and the one essential stop for Francophiles. You can learn French, take part in wine tastings, watch a film at the Lumière, use the library… Or just soak it all up over an expertly brewed café crème. The Institut also launches regular cultural initiatives to promote French arts in the UK, so grab a leaflet (and a croissant, if you must) because there’s far too much to see and do here.

And that’s to say nothing of the City of London Festival (www.colf.org), in full swing until July 12 and with a French theme this year. Events are too numerous to mention, but the highlights include ‘Aspects of French Cinema’ at the Barbican (until July 8), a superb array of classic and contemporary French music at Finsbury Circus Gardens (until July 12) and an art exhibition from French students at the Guildhall (until July 12).

Resuming our tour, almost Derridaian its decentred nature, we come to South Ken’s two fine French bookshops, both on Bute Street, SW7. One’s easy to spot, it’s called The French Bookshop (No 28), and the other is Au Fil Des Mots (No 19). Both stock a superb range of French language material, Jacques included, with the latter also hosting art exhibitions and small concerts.

Gabriel apprend la belle langue Française au Lycée Français Charles de Gaulle

Before we head north, you might want to call in and book a table at Racine (239 Brompton Road, SW3), a traditional array of French bourgeouis classics prepared by – sacré bleu! – an Englishman. On the way though, don’t forget to doff your proletarian cap and cry ‘Aux armes!’ as you cycle past the Lycée Français Charles de Gaulle (35 Cromwell Road, SW7). London’s highly successful and not inexpensive French-language school may have spawned such über-toffs as Olga Maitland and Gyles Brandreth, but also hit the headlines recently for that most French of activities, the strike, in a row over staff appointments.

Westbourne Park
If you can afford the Lycée, you can probably afford to indulge in a few of the Gallic temptations of W11. The Ledbury (127 Ledbury Road, W11) is a masterclass in modern French cuisine with a wine list to match. And where to find suitable attire? No, not French Connection. Try Aimé (32 Ledbury Road, W11), founded by French-Cambodian sisters, and combining the simple (cotton shirts) with the flamboyantly Parisian (Bardot-style ballet flats). Or there’s agnès b in Sloane Square (31-32 Duke of York’s Square, SW3), with Left Bank chic a speciality; don’t forget that nothing stung Blackadder more than being accused by a French Revolutionary of having ‘boring trousers’. L’Artisan Parfumeur (17 Cale Street, SW3) will have you smelling the part, too, offering everything from scented candles and crystals to perfumes and soaps. You did put a basket on your bike, didn’t you?

Further west
Church Square in Putney (SW15) hosts a monthly food market, to which stallholders travel from northern France. In Barnes you’ll find London French Rugby Football Club (Rocks Lane, SW13),which, despite it’s name, welcomes spectators and participants of all nationalities. A hefty Jonny Wilkinson – oh, all right, Frédéric Michalak – dropkick further away in Twickenham stands the fine collection of the Orleans House Gallery (Riverside, TW1), named after its most famous resident and future French monarch Louis Philippe, Duc d’Orleans, who lived there between 1813 and 1815.

Marylebone
Heading to the West End, it’s worth making a short detour to the Wallace Collection (Manchester Square, W1). Thanks to the flight of hundreds of aristocrats from the Revolution, it houses a collection of eighteenth-century French paintings, stunning Sèvres porcelain, furniture and gold boxes unmatched outside the motherland. Nearby is another institution of rare wonder: La Fromagerie (2-4 Moxon Street, W1). More than 100 superlative cheeses are on offer and, as well as a café, there’s a tasting room to help you decide which to take home.

(If the overpowering smell, by the way, should cause you to keel over, being buried in nearby Kensal Green Cemetery (Harrow Road, W10) would secure you a plot adjacent to such French pioneers as chess master Louis de la Bourdonnais, Victorian chef and philanthropist Alexis Soyer and carnival king Jean Pierre Ginnett, all in a setting inspired by the iconic Parisian graveyard Père Lachaise.)

Westminster
Tearing through Hyde Park and Green Park, we come to Little Ben (Victoria St, SW1), a 30ft tall sibling donated to us in 1892. Charmingly, it’s set an hour ahead of GMT, meaning that its time is literally divided between Europe and Britain over the year. Not to be outdone, the Americans gave us ‘Gentle Ben’ some decades later.

Carlton Gardens (SW1) provides the most poignant opportunity to remember when the Entente Cordiale (signed in nearby Whitehall in 1904) stood firm. It was at numbers 3-4 that General de Gaulle directed the operations of the Free French; events commemorated by a statue and plaque.

Speaking of which, just round the corner is London’s oldest surviving blue plaque (1c King Street, SW1), dedicated to Napoleon III in 1875. The French Emperor fled there in 1848 as plain Louis Napoleon after a failed coup. His uncle was rather more successful, of course, although we’re far too diplomatic to mention that Waterloo’s just over the Thames.

And so we have arrived, in a sense, back at the start: Westminster Abbey (SW1), where William the Conqueror was crowned on Christmas Day in 1066 and decreed French the language of the Royal Court. Given that his achievements are unlikely ever to be repeated – how to negotiate the South Circular on horseback? – a moment’s reflection may seem appropriate.

Soho
Hungry yet? Our tour now takes a gastronomic turn into Soho. For an indulgent snack, try an éclair or tarte au citron from Maison Bertaux (28 Greek Street, W1), served with a wonderfully unpredictable frisson of charm or surliness, depending on the mood of the staff. It also houses the Maison Bertaux Theatre Club, which puts on small French-language productions within the confines of the shop. Imagine ‘Sultan’s Elephant’, only somewhat smaller.

Et un verre de cidre à la Maison Français. Santé!

Victor and Gaston Berlemont, iconic landlords of The French House (49 Dean St, W1D), may be long gone, but otherwise it’s business as usual: half a pint of Breton cider and a glass of Chardonnay for the lady. The bar served as a centre for the French Resistance during WWII; it’s a bit touristy these days but still quintessentially Gallic. The same could also be said of Le Beaujolais (25 Litchfield Street, WC2), which claims to be the oldest French bar in London and is certainly home to the some of its most French-looking barstaff. The Toulouse sausages are formidable.

Back across Charing Cross Road lies London’s most evocatively Parisian boutique, Souvenir (47 Lexington St, W1), which sells global designers ranging from APC to Marc Jacobs.

Une église Huguenote à Soho

If this relentless consumerism is getting you down, drop by London’s only surviving Huguenot church (8-9 Soho Square, W1). It was first founded in the mid-seventeenth century when suppression of Protestantism compelled French refugees to settle here under the protection of Charles II. One exhibit in the Museum of London quotes a contemporary claiming Soho was ‘abounding with French so that it is an easy matter for a stranger to imagine himself in France’.

For a little light sinning to balance the books, there’s La Guingette, a club night at the Black Gardenia (93 Dean Street, W1) featuring French performance artists Les Apaches. Dance, chanson and burlesque (with lashings of accordion) blare out of this bar every Wednesday evening, so take note to return as you whizz past.

Southwark
You probably deserve a rest by now. A glass of wine and a game of boules, perhaps? Balls Brothers (Tooley Street, SE1) in Hay’s Galleria provides the arena and the materials. Or contemplate that this is as far south of the river as we’ll be pedalling. Time, sadly, is too pressing for us to venture to the location of ‘Neige à Lower Norwood’ (Fox Hill, SE19), Camille Pissarro’s 1870 oil painting that combines inspirational impressionism with a very silly name.

Spitalfields
Crossing back over Tower Bridge, we pass by William I’s finest monument to his adopted country, the White Tower (Tower Hill, EC3). Others may recognise it as the venue from whence Asterix sprang Obelix and his English cousin in ‘Asterix In Britain’. Anachronistic, but inspired. Spitalfields became the home for Huguenot artisans, weavers in particular; Voltaire also settled here to write the opening act of ‘Brutus’. The excellent Museum of Immigration (19 Princelet St, E1), appropriately, is the unrestored home of a master silk weaver, though its public openings are cherishably rare. It also stands as a monument to a rather more inclusive attitude than was displayed at the time, with riots against the French interlopers frequent throughout the 1680s. More recently, it was last January in nearby Old Billingsgate Market (1 Old Billingsgate Walk, EC3) where Nicolas Sarkozy chose to make a call for French expats to return. Bonne chance, Nicolas!

Camden
If you’re after more performance art, head down to the Roundhouse (Chalk Farm Road, NW1), which is hosting several French acts as part of Circus Front, running until August. Then a final detour to Islington to Sadler’s Wells (Rosebery Avenue, EC1), whose programmes regularly include French performers. Dancer and choreographer Philippe Decouflé will be performing Wednesday to Sunday. Back in Camden, you can pay tribute to the ultimate self-dramatists, Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, whose affair reached such heights of passion and jealousy that Verlaine slapped his lover in the face with a wet fish. It all happened at 8 Royal College Street (NW1).

Here, we reach the end of our grand tour, within sight of the fast-rising Channel Tunnel rail-link at St Pancras (N1). By the time you’ve finished your cycle tour it’ll probably be completed, so you can just hop on Eurostar and experience the real thing for yourself. On the way, don’t forget to toast French London – a cultural exchange worth celebrating. Mange tout!