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Prepare for riots across Middle England. Legendary soul singer Dionne Warwick announced yesterday at the Cannes Film Festival that a new movie is being made based on her life, and inspired in part by her rivalry with barely-cold national treasure Cilla Black. The film, says Dionne, will explore 'what part she (Cilla) played in my career and why she became my nemesis', Warwick, implying that Cilla is set to be very much the villain of this piece. Even weirder, she'll be played by Lady Gaga, who's a fair bit bonier, weirder and androgynous-er than the Scouse songbird in her '60s prime.
Warwick definitely has a point when she says soul music was 'whitened up' for a British pop audience, and that singers like Cilla hijacked her limelight (and her royalty cheques) by reinterpreting her biggest hits. But we can only imagine the Daily Mail's fury if Cilla – who only passed away last year – is portrayed as anything less than a paragon of British virtues. Wait a minute – this is going to be really fun, isn't it?
'Dionne' will go into production later this year, with ex-Destiny's Child star LeToya Luckett in the title role.