London

Hamleys' Santa

Hamleys
Best Santa
Concept Santa has escaped the shackles of his grotto at Hamleys; instead he's gone free range, roving the store and hosting breakfasts for the little ones. At 9.30am every day until Christmas Eve, he'll being adding to his ever-expanding waistline with Elves' Treats (bangers in tomato sauce), Sleigh Bells (waffles and ice cream), a Rudolph Nose Dunker (hot chocolate with marshmallow) and Mrs Santa’s muffins. Ahem. Places cost a steep £35 but include him regaling stories of Lapland, a one-to-one chat, and a goody bag. Call 0800 2802 444 to book. Meanwile, with global warming scuppering the likelihood of a white Christmas, as a nice touch Hamleys will be providing falling snow outside their entrance every day between 5pm and 6pm.

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Santa's banter Excellent. Ten out of ten for jollity with extra marks for a particularly fine moustache. Peppered his chat with such Santa-isms as ‘what a kerfuffle’ and ‘dear
oh dear, another cheeky monkey!’ Also possessed a fantastically hearty ‘ho ho ho!’ and was constantly tailed by an efficient, clipboard-wielding elf to take down children’s requests.
Dealt smoothly with a precocious six-year-old girl who asked for a Bentley for Christmas.
The best thing about Christmas is ‘Putting my feet up on Boxing Day,’ says Father Christmas. Punter’s view Florence, five: ‘I can't wait until Christmas Eve when he comes down the chimney with the presents.’
USP Santa’s most natural habitat.
Hamleys, 188-196 Regent St, W1B (0800 2802 444/www.hamleys.com) Oxford Circus tube. Open Mon-Fri 10am-8pm, Sat 9am- 8pm, Sun 12noon- 6pm. Extended opening hours until Christmas.

Dover Street Market's Festive Freakout

Dover Street Market
Best for jaded grown-ups
Concept Dazed and Confused’s ‘Anti-Xmas Festive Freakout’. Painstakingly constructed from more than 300 rolls of masking tape by set designer Gary Card, cartoon faces and animals are juxtaposed with tortured figures while Santa resembles the Grim Reaper (with a handlebar moustache) and decapitated Munch-esque heads lie at his feet.
Santa’s banter Poor. Santa is made from masking tape.
The best thing about Christmas is… ‘Nothing. I hate Christmas,’ claims grotto designer Gary Card. Bah humbug.
Punter’s view Ethan, 19, fashion student. ‘Oh my word! Santa’s terrifying. I’m going to have nightmares. Hold me.’
USP A fantastic antidote to all the saccharine-coated, forced sentimentality normally associated with the festive season.
Dover Street Market, 17-18 Dover St, W1 (020 7518 0680/www.dover streetmarket.com) Green Park tube. Open Mon-Sat 11am-6pm, Thur until 7pm. Adm free.

Teutonic cheer in Hyde Park

Hyde Park
Best for outdoors experience
Concept ‘Winter Wonderland’. London’s latest seasonal landmark is Hyde Park's 24,000 square-metre site with Santa reigning supreme upon the bandstand. Nearby looms the London Eye’s Mini-Me, a 50-metre observation wheel offering spectacular views over the park. Across the way, you'll find a toboggan slide, traditional carousel, a helter-skelter, carol singing and the ever-popular ice rink (book sessions via website). Don’t forget to have a look around the German Christmas Market with wooden chalets selling crafts (including reindeer hides – don't tell Rudolph), cafés and (crucially for parents) bars. Das ist gut indeed! Visit after dark for extra atmosphere.
Santa’s banter Seemed flummoxed by the media invasion (two photographers, one photographer’s assistant, three PRs and a journalist) and clammed up. Did give a credible ‘merry Christmas!’ He also had a cheeky wink… or was that a nervous twitch?
The best thing about Christmas is... ‘Knowing all the children have got their presents and I haven’t missed anyone out,’ says Father Christmas.
Punter’s view: Tye, four: ‘He looks good and the elf looks pretty. I want Transformers for Christmas.’
USP It's outdoors, it's free. Pretty elf.
Hyde Park (www.hydeparkwinterwonderland.com) Hyde Park Corner tube. Grotto open 12noon-6pm.

Santa's Express at Selfridges takes kids on a magic ride

WINNER!
Selfridges
Best for fitting around shopping
Concept Themed Santa’s Express, you enter an enchanted snowbound forest teeming with animatronic woodland animals, board the train and three laps later stop outside the station. An elf ushers you in to see Santa so you can have a picture taken together. Then he presents child with a copy of Raymond Briggs’s ‘The Snowman’. Booking recommended as only a few spaces are available on the day, though all weekend tickets are now fully booked.
Santa’s banter Jolly and welcoming. Failsafe lines include, ‘So, how old are you young lady?’ (25) and ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ (George Clooney). He correctly identifies me as ‘trouble’.
The best thing about Christmas is… ‘The moment the door opens and the child sees Santa for the first time – the look of wonder in their eyes is magical,’ explains Father Christmas.
Punter’s view: Lila, 5: ‘I liked the train because I saw baby rabbits.’
USP A sweet, festive experience that will give you parenting kudos.
Selfridges, 400 Oxford St, W1 (0870 837 7377/www.selfridges.com) Bond St tube. Open Mon-Wed 9.30am-8pm, Thur-Sat 9am-8pm, Sun 11.30am-6.25pm. Grotto open until Christmas Eve. Adm free.

Best of the rest
London Aquarium
It seems Santa is a bit tired of freezing his baubles off at the North Pole, so this year he's doing something a bit different and going diving with tropical fish in between his stints in the grotto at the London Aquarium. Replacing Dasher, Dancer, Prancer et al are Marty, his best friend Sydney the Seagull, Sinbad the Sea Lion, Harriet the Hermit Crab, Miranda the Mermaid and Tallulah the Tuna. They'll be on hand teaching children about sea safety and conservation by way of an interactive puppet show. There will also be daily story readings and quizzes.
The London Aquarium, County Hall, Westminster Bridge Road, SE1 (020 7967 8000/ www.londonaquarium.co.uk) Waterloo tube. Open Mon-Sun 10am-6pm. Adm adults £13.25, children 3-14years £9.75, students 15-17years £11.25. Grotto open Dec 15- Jan 6.

London Dungeon
If your kids are on the naughty list they might like the macabre offering at the London Dungeon. Their take on the festivities is Satan’s Grotto where, until Christmas Eve, Beelzebub will be disposing of Santa in a cauldron, torturing elves on pikes, munching robins and scary face painting designed to traumatise unsuspecting shoppers. There’s also singing à la ‘X Factor’, ie the ‘Xmas Factor’.
The London Dungeon, London Bridge, SE1 (0871 3602049/www.thelondondungeon.com) London Bridge tube/rail. Open daily 10am-7pm. Adm £19.95, child £13.95, students £14.95, seniors £14.95.

Mutz Nutz
Christmas is all about family, which includes four-legged members too. On Sundays before Christmas Mutz Nutz is holding Doggy Santa Days where dogs (and children) can have a photo taken with the big man, then choose a chew toy (presumably for the canine) from beneath the grotto’s chimney. Enter the raffle for the chance to win luxury pet goodies. Paws crossed!
Mutz Nutz, 221 Westbourne Park Rd, W11 (020 7243 3333/ www.themutznutz.com) Westbourne Pk tube. Grotto open Sunday and Dec 23 12noon-5pm. Adm £19.95 (10 per cent goes to the Dog’s Trust).

Kew Gardens
Kew has pulled the stops out this Christmas with a veritable cavalcade of seasonal treats. Santa will be in his twinkly woodland dell at weekends only until Sunday Dec 16, 12noon-3.30pm, but from Monday he’ll be there every day until Dec 23, 12noon-3.30pm. In a twist on the usual ‘he’s behind you’ fare is the Christmas Plantomime, where Buzzie Bee and the three Venus fly traps Snap, Trap and Venus will be doing a 20-minute version of Aladdin – this being Kew there’s a conservation spin to it. There’s also the popular Victorian Carousel (£1.50 for children), ice skating (£16, concs £14.50) and new for 2007 is a magical six-metre high Snow Dome (open 10.30am-3.30pm) complete with snow, Northern Lights and igloo (£3 adults, child £2).
Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew, Surrey TW9 (020 8332 5655/www.kew.org) Kew Gardens tube. Open daily 9.30am-4.15pm (last adm 3.45pm). £12.25, concs £10.25, under-17s free.

Somerset House Design Grotto
For the weekend of Dec 15 and 16 Somerset House provides the backdrop for a more hands-on approach to Christmas with a novel Design Grotto. More than 25 designers will be spreading seasonal cheer with a range of stalls and workshops – including Tatty Devine’s snowflake pit (prize-filled balloons), If You Could’s grotto (encouraging you to walk in and draw artistic offerings on the walls), and Donna Wilson’s workshops teaching how to make stocking fillers with a personal touch. Usefully for anyone on a budget, there’s also an array of gift ideas priced under £20.
The Design Grotto, Somerset House, Strand, WC2 (020 7845 4600/www.thedesigngrotto.com). Temple tube, Waterloo tube/rail. Open Sat, 6-11pm, Sun, 11am-6pm. Adm free.

St Pancras Station
The recently reopened station is going back to its Victorian roots, perfectly in keeping with the spectacular architecture. Santa will be staking out the Victorian Theatre, ready for his pressie giving. Write your wish list to him at one of their writing desks and post it direct to the main man in their lovely old-fashioned post box. Tickets cost £12 from www.ticketweb.co.uk. Don't forget to gawp at the World's Largest Advent Calendar (opened daily by a celebrity or historical character) and join in with the full programme of carol singing and Dickens readings.
St Pancras International, Pancras Road, NW1 (www.christmasatstpancras.com) Kings Cross St Pancras tube. Grotto opening times vary, see website. Adm free.

Maybe next year...
Harrods
Sorry folks, the fabled Harrods Santa is fully booked this year (try booking some time in the summer) but as always there will plenty of in-store theming. Have a butcher's at Father Christmas World on the fourth floor.
Harrods, 87-135 Brompton Road,SW1 (020 7730 1234/www.harrods.com) Knightsbridge tube. Open Mon-Sat 10am-8pm, Sun 12noon-6pm.

Look out for:
Banksy, the cheeky graffiti artist. Last year he did a controversial ‘Santa's Ghetto’ encouraging us to explore the true meaning of Christmas. There'll be no warning, just follow the mecca of street-savvy, politically minded art students.