Fabric's 13th birthday party
Prepare to put in one epic stint and join the 30-hour birthday bender this weekend
This weekend, Sat Oct 20–Mon Oct 22, legendary club Fabric celebrates 13 years by opening non-stop from Saturday night to Monday morning. If you're planning on joinging the party, do not go unprepared. Oliver Keens draws up a schedule
Be the last man standing and follow our schedule
Doors open, but don't start raving immediately. Instead, channel Mr Motivator and spend the first half-hour warming up with some light lunges.
Time to bring out the big moves. Make the next hour a personal tribute to the club's history by running through dance styles from the last 13 years. Start with some classic late-'90s trance moves (think 'big box, little box'), work in the 'Rolex Sweep' and end with a rousing 'Gangnam Style' gallop for some zeitgeisty panache.
Find some wacky souls hanging around one of the five bars and suggest a massive game of hide and seek.
Assume that because those strangers you only just met haven't found you under a pile of coats in room three that you are now the reigning king of hide and seek. Email the Guinness World Records people and return to the dancefloor a champion.
If you need to offset ten solid hours of hedonism, St Bartholomew-the-Great church is nearby. Sunday service begins at 9am, so use your wristband to nip out for some brief salvation before returning for more sordid house music.
Meal time! One can't live on smoke machine vapour alone, so make a dash to Tinseltown just round the corner. It's a Hollywood-themed diner in the heart of London, making it a perfectly freaky location for your current state.
Congratulations, you've made it. Lead a hilarious call of '12 more tunes!' and hug everyone in sight. Don't let the sarcastic auto-reply from the Guinness World Records bring you down – you're still a total hero. Now go to work...