Christmas office party ideas

It's the time of year when Facebook status updates start reading: 'On top of the billion other things I have to do before the new year, I am now in charge of organising the Xmas work party. Help!' or, more to the point, 'FFS, I have to organise our f&*^!£$ Christmas party again.'

What you might not realise is that even the sticky-floored pub next to the kebab shop is charging more than Santa's beard insurance to hire its tiny back room, and everywhere else has been booked up since, well, August.

If that's you, don't panic just yet. Let us reiterate our sentiment from last year: why plan your own Christmas party when you can gatecrash someone else's? Here are some last minute suggestions of where the music, the entertainment and the venue has already been sorted.

Best for… impressing the boss
'Boardwalk Empire' comes to life at Prohibition era-inspired speakeasy The Candlelight Club, which is now so popular that the second of its two dates this month, December 16 and 17, is already sold out. If you want a late-night cabaret party at the same price, but with a more seductive promise of debauchery, the Boom Boom Club, which is happily presented by Time Out Live, has just added an extra seasonal date this weekend. Its atmospheric underground space at the Old Vic Tunnels has been hailed as one of the most in-demand Christmas party venues this year. And BBC throws in thrilling party DJs and pop-up performances from some of the cabaret scene's best performers on top.
The Candlelight Club is at a secret location on December 16 (£15) & 17 (sold out), 7.30pm-midnight. The Boom Boom Club is at the Old Vic Tunnels on December 10 & 17. Update: Both of these events are now sold out.

Best for… the east London branch
When no party will be cool enough, opt for Oh My God! I Miss You's carefree, tongue-in-cheek and ever so naughty Grind A Go Go, at the Bethnal Green Working Men's Club. December 10 is an XXXMas special complete with tinsel-tease from burlesquers Trixie Malicious and Lydia Darling, dancefloor podiums and, in true swinging sixties style, a mirrored revolving stage. Very Austin Powers. Want more? There's a treat in the shape of all-male dance troupe The Action Men, fake snow machines, groovy tittyshakers (the style of music that makes your…) too and a prize for the best outfit - opt for '60s with a seasonal twist to win: think ice skaters and crackers, beehives and drainpipe suits.
Grind a Go Go XXXMas is at Bethnal Green Working Men's Club on December 10, £8. 9pm-2am.

Best for… slashed budgets
If the party pot will only stretch to a couple of bottles of plonk and a bowl of pork scratchings, pool resources and book a bowling lane at Shake, Rattle & Bowl's Christmas Party at All Star Lanes in Holborn on December 17. Entry is free and there'll be cocktails, crackers, party hats and a retro raffle plus plenty of '50s and '60s rock 'n' roll on the decks. Meanwhile, at the Queen of Hoxton in Shoreditch, Soulbrew Karaoke is throwing a Christmas party for just a fiver, where you can sing your heart out to a selection of more than 100 soul, funk and disco tunes in front of a live band.
Shake, Rattle & Bowl's Christmas Party is on December 17 at All Star Lanes, Holborn. 8pm-2am; free. Soulbrew Karaoke's Christmas Party is at the Queen of Hoxton on December 16. 9pm-2am; £5.

Best for… hilarious party photos
It's official: ugly Christmas knitwear is a trend so huge that there are plenty of parties poised to celebrate it this year. Indulge in some of the worst reindeer embroidery you've ever seen at The Book Club on December 9 for its Bad Jumper Jingle Bell Rock shindig. There'll be a prize for the worst granny-knitted horror and you can get itchy in your threads as you jingle-jangle to soft rock, '80s pop and party classics from Guilty Pleasures linchpin Sean Rowley and his Soft Rocks Disco set and live music from novelty surf oufit The Bikini Beach Band. Plus silly games including pin-the-star-on-the-Christmas-tree and a mince pie eating contest.
The Bad Jumper Jingle Bell Rock is at The Book Club on December 9, £7, £5 before 10pm. 8pm-3am.

Best for… breaking the ice
Falling, head over arse, while ice-skating gives you the perfect opportunity to steady yourself against a colleague you've been swooning over. The Somerset House DJ Skate Nights returned at the end of November and this week it's the turn of the Lovebox festival camp to do the rink some disco justice. Lace up your boots and twirl (accidentally or not) to an ice-cool soundtrack from the likes of Horse Meat Disco and Tom Findlay from Groove Armada. Just try not to pull everyone else down with you…
Skate at Somerset House: DJ Skate Nights are at Somerset House, December 8-10 and until January 20, £17. 8-11.30pm.

Best for… freelancers
It's not just office workers who should get to embarass themselves during the festive season. Freelancers can unite in the name of Yuletide jubilation at the Notting Hill Arts Club on December 12, which, conveniently for anyone with a packed party schedule, is on a Monday night. Communal Christmas Capers Party (CCCP) is new for this year and, while it's not strictly a Communist regime, promises Balkan beats straight outta the Eastern Bloc alongside a seasonal mix of rockin' riffs to 'dirty funky stuff'. CCCP even has its own warm rum-infused cider drink, Hands-on Gretel, for the occasion.
Communal Christmas Capers Party (CCCP) is at Notting Hill Arts Club on December 12, £5, concs £4, free before 8pm. 7pm-2am.

Best for… nostalgic fun
In what is possibly the best singalong opportunity of the party season, '90s pop night Zig Ah Zig Ah! has booked a live set from former East 17 member Brian Harvey on December 17. While the rest of the band plough on without him, he'll be dusting down his fur coat and belting out epic Christmas Number 1 'Stay Another Day' and other East 17 classics, followed by DJs spinning pop cheese till late. We can say 'Win!' now, right?
Zig Ah Zig Ah! is at Concrete on December 17, £10. 9pm-2am.