Clubs

Mike at Hot Breath Karaoke

It’s a rainy Tuesday night in Old Street; our first karaoke port of call is a weekly event at The Legion called Hot Breath Karaoke. A narrow bunker of a place, it’s more Swedish sauna than Shoreditch bar. ‘If I sing, will people laugh if I don’t have an ironic haircut?’ asks my friend Will. The crowd look cheerful and friendly, so I decide probably not. Thumbing through the 5,000-deep songbook, my friend Vicky erupts into excited squeals. ‘They’ve got Billie Piper… and PJ & Duncan!’ Canadian hosts Mike and Jenny Hot Breath provide such witty commentary I feel guilty for not getting involved. Their USP is the Sing, Spin & Win wheel of fortune: everyone spins, everyone wins a prize. Downing my third pint (for luck) nothing can stop me and I throw myself into the fun with Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’. I even bag myself three prizes. Result!
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Charlotte and her prizes

Buoyed by our (okay, my) recent winning performance, trusted karaoke pal Ellen and I rock up at The Dolphin, Hackney’s watering hole du jour, for their regular weekend karaoke session. With its nicotine-stained ceiling, original Victorian features, Hackney hipsters and leering old men, this place has become my local. Tonight it’s rammed with people grappling for the mic. Grr. We choose our song and wait patiently as local eccentric Arthur sings ‘My Way’. Again. Getting impatient, I decide to use my womanly wiles – obviously annoying the neon-clad wannabes waiting – to jump the queue and Ellen and myself manage to murder the nu-rave version of ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ (east London, innit), grab a quick celebratory pint then leave before the locals lynch us. Neither of us mind; there weren’t enough opportunities to grab the mic.

Seb at Lucky Voice

Thursday night, we are on a high and go for a double whammy. First we make for Soho’s Lucky Voice in the early evening. It’s my third karaoke call this week; my liver is starting to hurt. Down a stairway, it’s surprisingly swanky with dark wood walls and sleek pink lighting. Ushered into our own private box by the waitress, we clock lots of after work singsongs going on in adjoining rooms. It’s a far cry from rawness of the Legion or the clientele in the Dolphin. Sophie declares how classy everything is. ‘That’s right,’ I sayconfidently (a week into karaoke and I think I’m the gospel according to… ). ‘This is the Barbra Streisand of karaoke!’ She looks gleeful. We order our not-so-cheap drinks and mess around with the mood lighting and voice effects like children, fighting over who sings first. ‘Other rooms have props,’ a peeved Seb announces. Sophie randomly pulls out a selection of ’80s sweatbands from her bag. I’m impressed. We sing till our voices are hoarse, run out of money and leave content.

Rockstar Karaoke

‘This is your chance to front a six-piece rock band and live out your fantasy. Every Thursday, Zoo Bar,’ reads the poster on the wall. Coming from Lucky Voice, I wonder what Rockstar Karaoke involves exactly. Sashaying on to the stage (confident from my previous nights’ karaoke training), I realise there’s no bouncing ball or video screen in sight. Plus, there’s a band standing behind me, poised and ready. Heck! Sophie tries to encourage the crowd – surprisingly low on Eurotrash and Stella monsters for Leicester Square – into some support. ‘She’s shy, give her a cheer,’ she shouts and I’m away into Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ before I know it. It’s amazing; it’s my name in lights and I feel like I’m part of something beautiful! They struggle to get me off the stage.

Sophie at Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes

On Friday we make for the Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes. They have two private retro living room-style karaoke rooms overlooking the bowling action. Steve, a karaoke non-believer, watches as we plough through a myriad of Dolly Parton songs. From the sidelines, he suddenly pleads to be allowed to join in. Feeling sorry for him, we let him have a go but go over our allocated two-hour room time having so much fun (so many songs, so little time). The 1950s dressed attendant reminds us our time is up. ‘Get involved with the cheese!’ yells normally timid Vicky. I look at her, pondering how differently we both act when holding a mic.

The attendant doesn’t laugh even though we’re in stitches; we scarper and try our hand at bowling. Steve wins, his ego is massaged and we move on.

I hear you can eat and sing at the same time at Dalston’s dim sum restaurant, Shanghai. Marvellous. Sitting in the back room of the former pie and mash shop we have to order from the set Chinese menu. ‘Why no dim sum?’ asks birthday girl Rowena, ‘I’ve heard its amazing.’ Apparently karaoke = set menu. Shame. We eat, go home and put our London karaoke tour to bed.

The Legion, 348 Old St, EC1 (020 7729 4441/www.myspace.com/hotbreathkaraoke) Old St tube/rail. 9pm-12am, free. The Dolphin,165 Mare St, Hackney, E8 (020 8985 3727) Hackney Central rail. 8pm-late, free.

Lucky Voice Karaoke, 52 Poland St, W1 (020 7439 3660/www.luckyvoice.co.uk) Tottenham Court Rd tube. Mon-Thu 3pm- 1am, Fri-Sat 5pm-1am, £20-£110 per room for two hours (four to ten people).

Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, basement of Tavistock Hotel, Bedford Way, WC1 (020 7183 1979/www.bloomsburybowling.com)Russell Sq tube. 12noon-late, £40-£60 per room for an hour (four to ten people).

The Zoo Bar, 13-17 Bear St, WC2 (0207 839 4188/www.karaokerockstar.com) Leicester Square tube. Karaoke 8.30pm-12.30am, DJ till 3am, £5 before 11.30pm.

Shanghai, 41 Kingsland High St, E8 (020 7254 2878) Dalston Kingsland rail. 7pm-11pm; £13.50 set menu including karaoke, minimum 15 people.