How to become a lesbian prom queen

London’s first Lesbian Prom offers four rooms of dancing and cabaret plus a shot at crowning glory. Here are some tips on how to snag that sash

© Laura Dixon

1. Dress to impress

No one does casual as well as lesbians (I’ve been known to wear football shorts to my office job). But if you hope to be crowned queen of the Lesbian Prom this Saturday night, you’ll need to dig out your sharpest suit or most dazzling dress for the occasion. Thankfully there’ll be a photobooth to record your fly look for posterity.

2. Hook up with the prom king

If you’ve been moping around in bed and watching reruns of ‘The L Word’ since Soho’s Candy Bar closed in January, it’s time to get your act together. Lesbian Prom will be the pulling event of the sapphic calendar, and not just because of the Scala’s many dark corners. They’ll be crowning a prom king as well as queen on the night, but if you fail to corral the king for a slow dance, there’ll be drag kings aplenty, with performers Adam All and Apple Derrières in attendance, no doubt ready to console the unlucky ones who don’t get handed the tiara.

3. Be cordial and gracious

A bit like Miss World, bagging the title of prom queen is all about decorum, but with the added need to be the most popular girl in school. Bear this mind when you see your ex snogging your other ex – at least try to resist the urge to drench both in gin and tonic. What goes around comes around in the tight-knit lesbian world. By which I mean you’ll probably be getting off with one of them by the end of the night anyway.

4. Call for equality and world peace

When you finally take the stage to give your acceptance speech, express your gratitude that in the UK we can not only hold a lesbian prom, but, from March 29, gay couples can get married. Finally. Of course, this is far from the case in places like Russia, Uganda and other countries where intolerance of homosexuality is rife. So make like Lindsay Lohan in ‘Mean Girls’ and shatter your tiara, throw the pieces into the crowd and proclaim that everyone, the world over, deserves the right to be lesbian prom queen!

5. Celebrate your win in style

Once you’ve been crowned prom queen, it’s totally fine to throw your airs and graces out of the window. Luckily, MissFit, the organisers of Lesbian Prom, have fully prepared for a night of proper debauchery. Pop princess Charli XCX plays live, while the DJ line-up includes a set by Lauren Mayberry from electro-poppers Chvrches, plus Culture Clash on the decks until 5am. There’s also a VIP ticket option, so once you’ve been crowned lesbian royalty, you can sip on a glass of free champagne, roll around on private leather sofas and generally lord it over all the other ladies.

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