Comedy

Time Out’s unrivalled team of critics and the cream of the capital’s comedy scene have whittled down London’s most laugh-inducing individuals into a top ten.

1. Ricky Gervais
He’s won two Golden Globes, six BAFTAs, written for ‘The Simpsons’, been crowned the world’s 17th Most Stylish Man and is now working on his new sitcom 'Extras' – Ricky Gervais has already made it. And now he’s Time Out’s funniest Londoner. He talks exclusively to Graham Wray about Live 8. Should he turn up on the Hyde Park stage on July 2, you will indeed have, quite literally, read it here first.

Would you be prepared to do a turn at Live 8?

Ricky Gervais If I was asked, I’d love to do it. You can’t say no to that.

But could you do jokes about people dying of hunger? Feature continues

RG Well, I’d have to do my own brand of comedy. I’d go out and say, ‘It’s good to do a concert for the poor. And by the look of you lot, most of you are homeless as well.’

Hang on, what about this for an opener? [Stares at the ceiling.] Hold on, this is good. This is workshop… [Stares down at his shoes.] Right, got it. ‘Yeah, we’re still trying to break records on the twentieth anniversary of Live Aid. I’ve just heard Bob Geldof has put Phil Collins on a jet to Philadelphia. There’s nothing going on there, we just don’t want the cunt around this year’ [dissolves into hysterics]. Hang on though, it’s daytime. I’d never get away with cunt.

No, it’ll have to be bald twat.

RG Yeah, bald twat’s okay. Right, that’s a co-write. And what about this [sits bolt upright on edge of sofa]? ‘No I’m joking, of course we didn’t put him on a jet. We stuck him in a catapult. To be fair, he didn’t get very far. Although it worked in rehearsals when we used it on Chris De Burgh.’

I could do a whole routine about injuring Phil fucking Collins.

You’d have to have a pop at Bob Geldof as well.

RG Yeah, that’s true… Here’s another… [Stands up, then immediately sits down.] What about this? ‘It’s fantastic that today is all free. But then usually when Bob Geldof and Richard Curtis get together they make millions and give it all away. In fact, the Africans haven’t paid us back for the last lot!’ [Lies horizontal on the sofa, giggling manically.] Right, that’s the first two minutes. Fucking hell, make sure you transcribe this. What else?

Well they’ve got the greatest rock and pop acts on the planet lined up. And Annie Lennox. How does that work?

RG I know why that is. It’s because she actually does live next door to Sting and George Michael. Honestly, I’ve been to George’s and she does. Bob only asked her so they could all share a cab home. That’s another. Then I do the dance and that’s it.

‘Bye bye London, thank you and goodnight.’

Can you transcribe that? Brilliant!

2. Stephen Merchant
While Gervais was at Time Out Towers having his photograph taken for this week’s cover, Stephen Merchant was toiling away on ‘Extras’ in an edit booth…

How’s it going with ‘Extras’?

SMI’m just working away on that. The editing has always been a slow process because we’re very finicky and pedantic and drive everyone mad. It takes us far longer than it should.

And then XFM on Saturdays…

SM Yes. Basically, Ricky gets bored easily so he decided with Karl [Pilkington] in the pub one night that they were going to go back on XFM. I was notified the following day, but obviously I didn’t want to let them do it alone. What if they won an award and I wasn’t involved? I’d be livid. So that’s why I turn up. I don’t think any of us are putting any effort in. You know, we’re wealthy now and successful.

As one of the funniest people in London, do you think the capital is strong for comedy?

SM There’s a good audience for comedy here. There are a lot of people who are willing to try something new, or to indulge acts who want to do something a bit more leftfield.

We managed to make Ricky look like Jesus. How would you have styled him?

SM I have a real problem with Ricky every time he has his photo taken because – although he’ll deny this (he’ll go, “No, I don’t try”, “I don’t make any effort”) – as soon as the camera’s on him, he suddenly goes into pose mode. He strikes a little pose and in his mind, he still thinks he looks like the 25-year-old New Romantic that he once was. I’ve seen photos of him where he’s clearly trying to look like Jack Nicholson, out with a cigar or just trying to look a little bit cool. You know, head down, just trying to disguise those eight chins, looking over with those sort of coquettish eyes. In every photo I’ve seen of him, he’s always trying to look a little bit cool and a bit sexy, so I’d like to see him in anything that would undermine that.

Like?

SM The sumo look would be good. He’s got the physique for that and he wears nappies, so he’d have very little to do. That would be ideal.