Comedy

Australian comedian Jim Jeffries is often described as one of the rudest and most offensive ‘shock’ comics of his generation. He is undoubtedly also one of the funniest stand-ups around. But how do you get to the real man behind the mouth that launched a thousand profanities? Simple. Ask your 12-year-old daughter to interview him. I gave Caitlin a little background history on Jeffries and his work, typed out the questions she wanted to ask, turned on the tape recorder and sat in quietly on the interview, just to check he behaved. He was almost the perfect gentleman. Despite a few long pauses while he translated filth into child-friendly banter, it was a revelation to find the man behind the monster.
Feature continues

My dad tells me you swear a lot in your show. Do you have to swear to be funny?
‘Good comics don’t have to swear to be funny, but me, I’ve got very little skill and I have to bank on whatever I’ve got. I’m of the opinion that you should only swear if you’re good at it, and I’m really, really good at it. There’s nothing worse than hearing posh English people trying to swear.’

What are the differences between the Australians and the English?
‘Well, one difference is that we’re allowed to sit next to each other at sporting events because we won’t punch anyone in the head just because they support a different team. Comedy-wise though, it’s weird, I actually go down better here than in Australia. You guys can take a lot more extreme comedy. You accept the fact that I use the C-word or the F-word a lot because you see me as just another uncouth Aussie. The fact is, I’m not allowed to use that kind of language in Australia at all; we’re much more conservative. I have been banned from clubs over there for swearing.’

Were you funny when you were a kid?
‘If anything I was funnier then. I was at my comedy peak at about 16 or 17. All my friends now are comedians, so among them I’m just a normal guy, but when I was hanging out with those retards at school I kicked their arses; I was way funnier than them.’

What’s the best thing about being a comedian?
‘Damn I’m not sure I can say it in front of a 12-year-old. Er… it’s… well it’s the fact that you only have to work for a short amount of time and the casual sex. Plus, I quite enjoy the fact that people call you artistic when you’re really just a drunk guy.’

What’s the worst thing about being a being a comedian?
‘Well it’s very hard to keep a girlfriend because you’re never home. That’s not really why they leave though, but it can’t help. You’re always on the road and it gets very lonely. It’s like compulsory manic depression: you go from people cheering at you and loving you back to a cold hotel room in Bournemouth where you sit and contemplate death for the next four hours. Actually, doing the comedy is wonderful; I would do that for free. As far as I’m concerned the bit I actually get paid for is the driving up and down motorways in the rain.’

If I wanted to become a comedian, what advice would you give me?
‘Don’t be afraid of the booing. The worst an audience can do to you is boo you off, or tell you that you’re crap. It doesn’t mean anything; a couple of minutes later you’re in your car and out of there. Just try not to get punched.’

Dad told me a man hit you during a show, why did he do that?
‘He hit me because I told an offensive joke that he thought applied to his life directly. Comedy can be a dangerous profession; I know a number of comedians who’ve been threatened and punched outside gigs. For publicity’s sake though, I think there’d be nothing better than to have a fatwa out on my head; I’ve been working hard for one of them.’

Are you the rudest comic in the world?
‘I’ve been called that but I don’t think I am. There’s a lot of American comics who are ruder than me but maybe not as confrontational. I don’t like that label, though. I just think I give opinions and talk about things that have actually happened to me. The rudest ones, as far as I’m concerned, are the comics in working men’s clubs who are still doing racist “Paki” jokes.’

Is there anything you wouldn’t make a joke about?
‘Not if I can make a really, really funny joke about it. If I can write a cracking one, I’ll do it. I’ve written jokes about rape, abortion and even paedophilia. I’ve never really written a racist joke though. My aim isn’t to upset people and if they don’t like it they can always write and complain or walk out but no one has the right to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t say or find funny.’

If you could be any animal what would it be?
‘I’d be a koala bear because it’s Australian like me. They’re the laziest animal on earth; they sleep for 22 hours a day which sounds good. They’re the hippies of the bush because they’re always stoned on eucalyptus. They also have a problem with their bottoms and lots of them die from bum rot, and I’m not too far away from doing that myself.’

Jim Jeffries performs his show 'Hellbound' at the Arts Theatre Feb 1-2. Strictly adults only.