James Acaster's 2013 goals for 2013

The Foster's Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee aims high in 2013

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It’s all very well making new year’s resolutions at the beginning of January, but come the end of the month how many promises have already been broken? 

Whimsical young comic James Acaster – who’s popped up on ‘Russell Howard’s Good News’ and last year was nominated for the Foster’s Edinburgh Comedy Award – is more realistic. Rather than vague ideas like ‘eating healthier’ or ‘spending more time with loved ones’ he’s set himself a highly ambitious (but achieveable) list of 2013 specific tasks to tackle in 2013. He’s ticked one off the list already…


James Acaster’s 2013 goals for 2013


1 Have an unproductive January (achieved).
2 Learn tightrope skills.
3 Do a blindfolded bungee jump.
4 Take less risks.
5 Try fruit.
6-370 Watch ‘Groundhog Day’ 365 times.
371 Hone Irish accent.
372 Go snorkeling.
373 Try Zumba.
374 Blindfolded snorkeling.
375 Blindfolded Zumba.


376 Throw out Christmas tree.
377 Clear my name.
378-476 Eat 99 99s.
477 Strut more.
478 sdrawkcab epyt ot nraeL.
479 Hang out with the wrong crowd.
480-529 Leave my lover in every way possible.
530 Apologise to my lover.
531 Blindfolded strutting.
532 Alphabetise everything.
533 Buy musical tie/socks.
534 Write more realistic lists.


535 Occasionally refer to myself in the third person.
536 Tie James Acaster’s shoes up nice and tight just the way James Acaster likes them.
537 Don’t give people piggy backs if I don’t want to.
538 Yodel.
539 Blindfolded yodelling.
540-1541 Retweet every maraca-related tweet by Bez.
1542 Buy more blindfolds.
1543 Take credit for other people’s work.
1544 Travel everywhere by zip-line.
1545 Be more like Rihanna.
1546 Heckle conga lines.


1547-1647 Steal dalmatians.
1648 Master chopsticks (food).
1649 Master chopsticks (music).
1650 Master chopsticks (sex).
1651 Break a world record.
1652 Solve a murder.
1653 Play ultimate frisbee.
1654 Fall out with ultimate frisbee team mates.
1655 Play ultimate boomerang.
1656 Heckle karaoke.


1657-1658 Buckle my shoe.
1659-1660 Knock on the door.
1661-1662 Pick up sticks.
1663 Learn rhymes in their entirety. 
1664 Change name to ‘Chip Stanley’.
1665 Tie Chip Stanley’s shoes up nice and tight just the way Chip Stanley likes them.
1666 Learn to count past 1666.
2013 Believe.

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