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Lies to tell tourists
Londoners tweeted some great #londonliesfortourists – here are some of our favourites
Each week the 'Lies to tell tourists' slot in Time Out magazine invents new cruel and unjust ways to bamboozle visitors to London. We recently asked our Twitter followers to dream up their own cheeky misdirections using the hashtag #londonliesfortourists. And they did - in their thousands. We've compiled a list of our 20 of our favourite tweeted whoppers for your amusement below - but can you do better? Tweet us at @timeoutlondon or post your lies in the comments box.
© Abigail Lelliott
Hyde Park only has one corner, making it a mathematical phenomenon. (@TomGoodliffe)
When the organ starts in St Pauls Cathedral, the first couple on the dance floor win a prize(@davidconstable)
Elephant and Castle is a wonderful place with a safari park and an enchanted castle. (@mancunian)
Just take the stairs
Pay for your tube journey by pushing your credit card into the slot at the ticket barrier. (@robmanuel)
Take the steps rather than the lift at Covent Garden Underground station - there aren't many and it's much quicker. (@OldBoyBaz)
When on the tube its customary to introduce yourself to the people sitting next to and opposite you. (@magiczebras)
If you're looking for love, you'll find many eligible, single ladies in King's Cross. (@TashyMcTashason)
When on a bus, it is customary to sing along to the music being played to you from the mobile phones of teenagers. (@johnbaldy)
Visit Hogwarts by running through the barrier between platforms nine and ten at Kings Cross station. (@mufcfans)
Renowned fridge seller, Selfridges
The Queen does all announcements on the underground. (@bravenewmalden)
Barclays Bank will pay a £100 reward if you return any of the many bikes they have lost to one of their branches. (@politic_animal)
Red telephone boxes may be used as urinals in an emergency. (@CathyMcTavey)
Staff at Selfridges love being asked if they sell fridges. (@andylewisuk)
Can you hear the sea?
Don't forget to go celebrity spotting in Wetherspoons. (@julianswainson)
You may hear youngsters talk about their affiliation to "ASBO". This stands for Altruistic Saintly Behaviour Order. (@mrglover glover)
The 2012 Olympics are in London, Texas, USA, not London, UK, don't you know? (@theidiotstamp)
If you put an Oyster card against your ear, you can hear the sea. (@TomGoodliffe)
Tranquil Oxford Street - © Abigail Lelliott
Tourists are encouraged to identify themselves by going to Soho and telling people they are 'looking for a good time'. (@rivercassade)
Everyone in London loves it when you walk slowly. Oh, and randomly stop to take photos. (@mikeblakeney)
Escape the hustle and bustle of the city and go for a wander down the famously tranquil Oxford Street. (@Samincornwall)
Comments
On the elevators in the Underground stations, always stand on the left and don't move.
People will be really grateful if, should they leave their Metro behind, you run after them & return it to them.
Used to work at the Chesire Cheese on Fleet Street and the mangager told an American tourist that the dragon that marks the boundary of the City was Queen Victoria's pet dragon, and when it died she had a statue erected in its memory. The bloke believed him, and that is a true story.
There is a small private shopping centre in Buckingham Palace. Which is why the street outside is called "The Mall".
To board a bus in London, you just need to press the palm of your hand on the reader.
Tell the tourists that when queens in the wedding cake faces the palace and when she's out it rotates and faces the mall
London is renowned for it's excellent customer service, great cuisine and the fantastic work ethic of the local Brits..
When using the Underground escalators, it is customary to stand on the LEFT and let people pass you on the RIGHT.....
River Thames is one of the best spots in the world for wind surfing...
If you’re looking for authentic English cuisine it’s a must to visit Brick Lane in East London.
if you can make the guards outside buckingham palace laugh,you will be invited in the palace for tea
Gloucester Rd? No, I don't know where that... OH! You mean Glow-ses-ter Road!
Yeah, take the District line west from here.
Londoners are so honest...they would never dream of misguiding tourists!
Here in Hawaii we sometimes get firsttime tourists asking if we take American dollars. We tell them no and they need to go to the bank to get Hawaiian dollars.
There are few public loos in London, so it is perfectly acceptable and, in fact, encouraged to water the flowers in the city's numerous gardens. YOU'RE IN for a special surprise.
The Oyster Card was developed by a company that also develops combat training system for the Armed Forces . Sometimes the wrong upgrade disks are sent out.
oxford & picadilly circuses only perform on alternative weekends & NEVER tip the clowns
It is pronounced "lie-chess-ter" square. Anyone who pronounces it "les-ter" is from France.
Oyster cards can be used to pay for a whole range of things and not just your tube and bus rides
it is not wise to sit on the roof of trains in mumbai as conductors routinely slam on the breaks to throw vagrants off
The original, from about 15-20 years before Twitter: http://www.jomiller.com/?page_id=3
"Red telephone boxes may be used as urinals in an emergency. "
What? That IS true isn't it?
The last time St Paul's was covered in scaffolding for a spring clean 2 American tourists stopped a friend of mine to ask why. He explained that the street plan had changed in the intervening 400 years since it was built and the church no longer looked directly down Ludgate Hill as was intended by the architect. So they were jacking it up and moving it round.
Why do the cars go on the left side of the road? Because it's always too busy on the right.
Wow...... good to see that all the rumors and stereotypes about you Brits having the driest sense of humors is........ "not true". * laaaaaame*
You can always trust the restaurant reviews in Time Out
Did you know that Londoners take pride in the current Mayor, Boris Johnson having a direct blood lineage to Dick Whittington, the first Mayor Of London? Because of this, it is the highest compliment that can be made about Johnson, to refer to him as 'a right Dick.'
Spanish speakers may find good time asking ladies for sex at "su...ssex"
Ha - I think you'll find it wasn't just Londoners who tweeted them. On the other hand:
#LondonLiesforTourists Once you get outside London, nothing else exists
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