London

Graham Wray

The internet quickie
Graham Wray on Craig’s List

For those more into mating that dating, the ‘Casual Encounters’ board at web phenomenon craigslist.com has been widely touted as the most fertile of hunting grounds. The theory is if your lunchtimes need a bit of added spice, you just log on to the London board, and respond to one of the hundreds of posts from fellow listers desperate for an ‘NSA encounter’ (that’s ‘no strings attached’ ).

It’s the urban equivalent of dogging – except you don’t have to muddy your feet in a layby to get a slice of the action. So purely in the interests of research for Time Out readers, I became one of Craig’s ‘casuals’ looking for an encounter. Be warned, though. Because while you may not get your rocks off, so addictive are the posts that you will almost certainly not get any work done for a month either.

Obviously, there are far more men seeking women here, but if the posts are to be believed, every day there are about half a dozen London women desperate for an anonymous quickie. Now, it should be said that all is not what it seems. I can confirm that responding to some of the w4m (women seeking men) ads leads you directly to various X-rated websites. In fact, even now, three days later, I can just about make out what I’m typing through the numerous pop-up boxes that have taken up permanent residence on my screen. Feature continues

In addition, several male posters have warned the rest of the hunting pack that some ‘women’ who respond will ask you to ring them on a well-disguised premium-rate phone number. It’s a neat scam and one that’s easily fallen for; if you’re dumb enough to assume that a woman whose only knowledge of you is that you possess the sexual appetite of John Leslie on Viagra, will happily arm you with her personal phone number.

But having said that, there are many genuine women advertisers too. Like the 23-year-old secretary who went public on the boards to berate the ‘horny air-con man from Holborn’ who twice failed to show up for a lunchtime meet. And the legal assistant who thanked ‘City mile James’ for literally taking her on the London Eye during her lunch hour. And how she giggled all afternoon over the fact that her boss didn’t know she’d returned to the office knickerless. And how she’d have to explain it to her boyfriend who she was meeting after work.I’m not making this up.One post was headed ‘Christian lady wants to be spanked.’ I know she was genuine because she turned me down on the grounds of not taking her seriously (my email did contain a very poor gag about modern methods of bible bashing).

Several posts are from American girls looking for anonymous quickies with ‘cute Londoners’ while they’re in town. And there was one from a student who pleaded for a guy to do her ironing in return for a blow job. ‘No full sex, just the best suck of your life’. Sketchley’s watch out! Incredibly, I made the shortlist but blew my chances when another ill-timed gag about my inexperience with delicates and linen fabrics was taken literally.

Inevitably, some of the posts are from innovative hookers. The best was from a self-styled ‘World Cup slut’ who was offering to come round wearing the strip of whoever was playing to ‘serve beers, nuts and then get spit-roasted at half-time. Five-a-sides or 11-a-sides catered for.’ It might not be a winner on ‘Dragon’s Den’ but you’ve got to admire her entrepreneurial spirit.

And another from a hard-up 19 year old student who wanted a dirty weekend in a foreign city: ‘Fuck sightseeing. Fuck me instead.’ Call me an old cynic, but I smell the work of a bored advertising copywriter.

That said, I’m still hoping she’ll turn up at the Ryanair check-in desk next week. I’ll be the one clutching a copy of Time Out, salivating around the gills and struggling to shake off two burly members of the Met’s finest.

See ‘Personals’ at london.craigslist.org.