London

What is it?
A mélange of history, geography, pretension and psychology invented by ’50s Gallic eggheads, who described it thus: ‘The study of specific effects of the geographical environment, consciously organised or not, on the emotions and behaviour of individuals.’ Basically, it means making stuff up about London. Feature continues

Where is it done?
Anywhere old, but especially Spitalfields or near a Hawksmoor church.

Who does it?
Elite practitioners revolve around the Michael Moorcock-Ian Sinclair-Peter Ackroyd axis, while the semi-fictitious London Psychogeographical Association holds meetings in Regent’s Park to discuss the philosophical ramifications of open spaces in an urban context and play ultimate frisbee. Dinner-party proponents include Will Self, while your bog-standard, black cab psychogeographist is Robert Elms.

What to say
One line in Ackroyd’s ‘London: The Biography’ says it all: ‘Certain neighbourhoods carry with them a particular atmosphere over many generations.’ So, using this basic equation: History + Location (5 Atmosphere) = Present, start by pointing out that it’s no surprise St Giles High Street is full of crackheads considering that in the twelfth century it was home to a leper colony, while St Giles is the patron saint of beggers. Before long, you’ll be saying: ‘In the ’90s, the Big Issue took up residence a few yards south of Clerkenwell Green, where Wat Tyler had led his army of protesters more than 600 years before’ like you actually know what you’re talking about.

What not to say
‘Is psychogeography that therapy thing where they tell you that you secretly want to have sex with your mum?’

Where to start
‘London: The Biography’ by Peter Ackroyd; ‘Lights Out for the Territory’ by Ian Sinclair; ‘London’, dir Patrick Keiller; ‘Parklife’ by Blur.