London

Naughty parties and burlesque lessons without leaving the house

Bedroom
Naughty parties
Now that sex shops can be found in even the most upmarket ends parts of town, there’s surely no stigma about hosting your very own Ann Summers Party – especially as they’re free. Women over 18 have the added pleasures of confidential sex tips and free and discreet delivery, and party hostesses receive 10 per cent off all orders. You can sign up on the website. Go on – your mum’s probably doing it.
Ann Summers (www.annsummers.com). Feature continues

Burlesque lessons
Only in London could you get Europe’s most famous expert in erotic artistry to come round your pad and show you how it’s done. Jo King has been a burlesque performer for 27 years, and formed the London School of Striptease (the first of its kind) in 2000. As well as drop-in classes at Danceworks, Ms King offers three lesson options in your home: Teaser (learn a sensual dance routine, fully-clothed), Burlesquing (a burlesque routine with props, fully clothed) and Striplette (which naturally involves taking some clothes off).
London School of Striptease (www.londonschoolofstriptease.co.uk. Prices on request).

Suit up
There is no more flattering garment for a man than a fitted suit, and you won’t have to trek to Savile Row to get one. Master Tailor will send a professional to any home within the M25 and measure you up for a proper whistle – the service is free, but the cost of the suit will depend on what you want (they do everything from white tuxedos to Masonic wear). Master Tailor (0845 838 3362/www.mastertailoruk.com).

Book delivery
For those who you who frankly just want an early night with a good book, there are plenty of ways to get literature deliverered straight to your doorstep. If you’re looking for a fairly mainstream novel or autobiography, Tesco (www.tesco.com/books) is a surprisingly good bet – they offer up to 50 per cent off the recommended retail price and take pride in the fact that they undercut perennial mail-order favourite Amazon (www.amazon.co.uk). The list at Waterstones (www.waterstones.co.uk) is fairly exhaustive; for more specialist textbooks, Blackwells does the job (www.bookshop.blackwell.co.uk).

Escorts
We’re not implying anything here, but should you be sans partner at the moment there are professionals who can fill the gap (so to speak). And finding a paid-for lover is no longer a case of trawling phone boxes or straying into Soho clip-joints. The Adult Work and Gay Swap websites are like a naughty MySpace – each escort (male, female and transexual) has a profile with a picture, a list of what they do and don’t do, and prices. For legal reasons we must stress that any money that changes hands is for the escorts’ time only; whatever else happens is between consenting adults. Also, a note to our IT department: we had to look this up for work.
Adult Work (www.adultwork.co.uk).Gay Swap (www.gayswap.co.uk).

Cleaners
Quick Cleaning offers a range of different services for those who loathe household chores. As well as arranging a reputable and trustworthy regular cleaner, they will sort out specialised one-off visits for spring cleans, end of tenancy cleaning, ‘after builders’ cleaning, and carpet cleaning. They also do shopping and ironing.
Quick Cleaning (www.quickcleaning.co.uk).