London

Seconds into our initial consultation, Nicole decides that the best approach to a healthy night out is to keep my calorie intake down and pick up any extra nutrition we can on the way. ‘A grown man needs 2,500 calories a day but I’m being conservative and putting you on 2,300. A healthy breakfast and lunch should take you to 950-1,000 calories; so to eat and drink tonight you’ve got 1,300 calories to play with. That will maintain your present weight – if you want to lose weight, you would need to halve that, no more than 700 calories tonight.’ Nicole doesn’t drink. Feature continues

Market Place, Market Place, 6pm

‘A bottle of Duvel please.’
‘No! You can’t possibly drink without eating first.’
‘But I thought you wanted to keep my calories down?’
‘If your stomach is empty, the alcohol will be absorbed much more quickly. If you haven’t eaten, your blood sugar will be low and alcohol will lower it further.’
‘That’s bad?’
‘Yes, it will make you eat more later.’
‘What if I start with scotch and Coke, to bring up the sugar?’
Nicole shudders: ‘No, the bubbles will force the alcohol into your gut and the Coke will add extra calories.’

I get a menu.
‘Pick fish or lean, grilled meat. Half the plate should be salad and/or veg, a quarter protein, a quarter carbohydrate.’
‘Chilli beef tacos?’
‘No. High fat.’
‘Chicken…’
‘Yes.’
‘…in chocolate sauce?’
‘No.’