London

See our list of 20 ways to have sex in the city

My blindfold is removed, and I’m sitting opposite Rachel Foux and Nidhana Mao in an elegantly decorated, candlelit room. Several items are scattered on tables around me – a statue of Hindu god Ganesh, feathery tickling devices, a plastic vagina, a cat-o’ nine-tails and a book called ‘Masterclass: Going Down’.

After ‘years and years’ working as a sex therapist for parents and listening to women discuss their problems, Foux decided to act upon the repeated calls of her clients that: ‘You should be teaching our guys this. It’s no good just teaching us.’ With business partner Mao, Foux came up with a plan to run monthly salons to help men satisfy their partners emotionally and physically, and earlier this year took the bull by the horns. Today, I am the bull and it is my horns that are being firmly taken in ‘Lessons in Love for Gentlemen’. For someone with a tendency to laugh when nervous it will prove something of a challenge. Feature continues

The session begins with me being led to a floor cushion in a room with a soundtrack that seems to be an Enya/Govinda mash-up. Foux informs me that we’re taking part in an exercise to awaken our senses. Feathers tickle my face, and I feel hands on my back and shoulders. Something warm and moist is pressed to my lips and the words ‘have a little lick’ are whispered into my ear. I taste chocolate. Foux is moaning like a porn star. Then I feel ‘kisses’ on my ear and neck (there is no direct sexual contact with Foux or Mao).

Don’t some guys think that attending the class is tantamount to suggesting their sex life is akin trying to playing pool with a length of wet rope? ‘For every 20 people interested, only one person comes,’ admits Rachel. ‘It’s nothing like saying, “You’re a crap lover, you obviously can’t get an erection.” We want to help men have fulfilling relationships with women.’

Mao certainly seems to be enjoying the class. She’s lying on her back in her undies as Foux practises tantric breathing exercises and stares into her eyes to demonstrate ‘opening a woman’s heart’, since, she says, ‘if we don’t open our hearts as women, we don’t open our sex. That’s the key to being with a woman: fill the heart first.’ Next, she demonstrates sensual massage, writing on her with chocolate body paint, and using a clitoral stimulator on her.

To explain what’s covered in private sessions, I’m shown an educational DVD called ‘Zen Pussy’, containing footage of 12 different pussies and a demo of orgasm-deferring techniques. (Pinch self. Try to recall Bernard Manning jokes.) ‘Don’t be a bull rushing to the gate,’ Foux advises. ‘Don’t go straight to the genitals. You need to let a woman know you want to pleasure her rather than just fuck her.’

The class is over, and I haven’t laughed once. I sigh with relief. Does anyone ever chuckle? ‘We have had people laughing, of course. As long as they’re not out of hand we stop and wait until they’re ready.’ There you go – it’s all about flexibility, and not just in the physical sense. Maybe there are no set rules to sex after all.
www.sexandrelationshipcourses.com. Next salon Jan 29, 7-10pm, £75 per person.

See our list of 20 ways to have sex in the city