Splintered

When one of her friends is dragged off into the Welsh woods by a mysterious, growling beast, disturbed fantasy fan Sophie (Holly Weston) follows its trail to a derelict orphanage, unwittingly opening a can of worms involving crazed religious fervour and deranged cannibalism. Simeon Halligan’s homegrown parade of horror clichés is purportedly the first low-budget film shot on the new HD Red camera system and aside from the evocatively creepy location – the dilapidated remains of St Joseph’s Seminary in West Lancs – seasoned TV DoP Mike Costelloe’s cinematography is the film’s only redeeming feature. Steely hued and crisp as an autumn leaf, it offers some distraction from the overwrought plot, turgid dialogue, lax performances, cheesily staged atrocities and ridiculously melodramatic sound effects. The fact my nails are still intact gives some indication of this film’s complete lack of scares.