The Cottage (18)

Film

Horror films

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Time Out rating:

<strong>Rating: </strong>1/5

User ratings:

<strong>Rating: </strong>3/5
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Time Out says

Tue Mar 11 2008

Writer-director Paul Andrew Williams’ follow-up to ‘London to Brighton’ is, by his own admission, a film of two halves: the trouble is, neither of them works. It begins as a comedy crime caper: the bossy David (Andy Serkis) and his wimpy brother, Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a gangster’s foul-mouthed daughter, Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), but bite off more than they can chew.

Things take a violent swerve when this sorry trio, Tracey’s dopey step-brother Andrew (Steven O’Donnell) and a pair of stereotypical Chinese hitmen fall foul of The Farmer, a hideously scarred psycho with a ready supply of agricultural implements. Guts are spilled, toes are amputated, a leg is pick-axed and everyone loses their head – one of them, literally.

Andy Serkis shouts a lot, as if raising the decibel level will compensate for the dire dialogue, while Jennifer Ellison displays more cleavage than acting ability. Only ‘League of Gentleman’ alumnus Shearsmith has the measure of the material, but his subtle character work is simply drowned out. A jaunty, nerve-grating score by Laura Rossi embodies the air of forced, empty jokiness.

Author: Nigel Floyd

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Release details

Rated:

18

UK release:

Fri Mar 14, 2008

Duration:

92 mins

Cast and crew

Director:

Paul Andrew Williams

Screenwriter:

Paul Andrew Williams

Cast:

Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Jennifer Ellison, Steven O’Donnell

Cinematography:

Christopher Ross

Music:

Laura Rossi

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Comments & ratings

Rated as: 3/5 (27 ratings)

  • The Cottage is an ace film i watched it down stairs with my mate at like 3o'clock in th morning. I recomend it to everyone who like comedy and horror :) I dont really like film and i usually get bored of them but i got told this was a good film and so i watched it and it was f*ck*ng great

    will Fri Jul 30 2010
    Rated as: 5/5
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  • 'Black comedy' eh? I've seen funnier on the back of a cereal packet. Two stars for gore value only. All characters were thoroughly annoying so seeing them despatched was mildly satisfying.

    dr dominguez Thu Jan 7 2010
    Rated as: 2/5
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  • Didn't go to see this in the cinema due to the bad review, saw it on Sky and loved it. Cheesy, incoherent, shocking crap which I confidently predict will assume the status of "Cult Movie" in years to come....

    IainS Sun Aug 2 2009
    Rated as: 5/5
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  • this movie is beta den SAW.........................NOT!!!!!

    sambo Thu Jul 16 2009
    Rated as: 1/5
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  • ABSOLUTE RUBBISH! definitely 1 of the worst films ive ever seen. The acting was horrendous especially Jennifer Elisson, i bet there was no script wirrten for her and she was just paid soley to randomly shout out anything with profanity in it. Really cheesy storyline with no real spice or consistency. I never laughed once throughout the whole film and i was relieved when it was all over. 0/10

    Jamal Wed Dec 17 2008
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  • i liked it...bit of harmless fun that made me chuckle.

    louise Wed Nov 19 2008
    Rated as: 3/5
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  • I have to agree with the other reviews it was a terrible movie. I only paid 1p to watch it and that was too much!

    TheJuebear Tue Oct 14 2008
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  • Bizarre... I live in a small village and thought this film would be ironic, a bit like a funnier version of Deliverance, but it was just rubbish. The plot swing was just ridiculous - I was hoping for more zombie/ghost villagers instead, but what we got instead was a bad mask and make-up job with a bit of a perverted background story.

    KerseyVee Thu Aug 14 2008
    Rated as: 1/5
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  • Absolute and total nonsense all the way through, but vaguely enjoyable, Jennifer Ellison should not say anything, ever, either on film or in real life. I also reckon that most of your public reviewers are entirely illiterate morons! Never mind, eh..

    Andy Tue Jul 22 2008
    Rated as: 3/5
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  • I think the people who have given this film a bad rating really need to establish just what kind of movie they like because going to watch this when you are a fan of tight plots and oscar nominated performances is like expecting the performance of a Rolls Royce when you are driving a Ford. This film doles out everything you could want in less than 90 minutes of fun filled horror and gore... it doesn't prentend to be anything more than that!

    Ian Wed Jul 16 2008
    Rated as: 5/5
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