The Cottage (18)

Film

Horror films

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Time Out rating:

<strong>Rating: </strong><span class='lf-avgRating'>1</span>/5

User ratings:

<strong>Rating: </strong><span class='lf-avgRating'>3</span>/5
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Time Out says

Posted: Tue Mar 11 2008

Writer-director Paul Andrew Williams’ follow-up to ‘London to Brighton’ is, by his own admission, a film of two halves: the trouble is, neither of them works. It begins as a comedy crime caper: the bossy David (Andy Serkis) and his wimpy brother, Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a gangster’s foul-mouthed daughter, Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), but bite off more than they can chew.

Things take a violent swerve when this sorry trio, Tracey’s dopey step-brother Andrew (Steven O’Donnell) and a pair of stereotypical Chinese hitmen fall foul of The Farmer, a hideously scarred psycho with a ready supply of agricultural implements. Guts are spilled, toes are amputated, a leg is pick-axed and everyone loses their head – one of them, literally.

Andy Serkis shouts a lot, as if raising the decibel level will compensate for the dire dialogue, while Jennifer Ellison displays more cleavage than acting ability. Only ‘League of Gentleman’ alumnus Shearsmith has the measure of the material, but his subtle character work is simply drowned out. A jaunty, nerve-grating score by Laura Rossi embodies the air of forced, empty jokiness.
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Release details

Rated:

18

UK release:

Fri Mar 14, 2008

Duration:

92 mins

Users say

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<strong>Rating: </strong><span class='lf-avgRating'>0</span>/5

Average User Rating

4.3 / 5

Rating Breakdown

  • 5 star:13
  • 4 star:0
  • 3 star:2
  • 2 star:2
  • 1 star:0
LiveReviews|40
1 person listening
will

The Cottage is an ace film i watched it down stairs with my mate at like 3o'clock in th morning. I recomend it to everyone who like comedy and horror :) I dont really like film and i usually get bored of them but i got told this was a good film and so i watched it and it was f*ck*ng great

will

The Cottage is an ace film i watched it down stairs with my mate at like 3o'clock in th morning. I recomend it to everyone who like comedy and horror :) I dont really like film and i usually get bored of them but i got told this was a good film and so i watched it and it was f*ck*ng great

dr dominguez

'Black comedy' eh? I've seen funnier on the back of a cereal packet. Two stars for gore value only. All characters were thoroughly annoying so seeing them despatched was mildly satisfying.

IainS

Didn't go to see this in the cinema due to the bad review, saw it on Sky and loved it. Cheesy, incoherent, shocking crap which I confidently predict will assume the status of "Cult Movie" in years to come....

IainS

Didn't go to see this in the cinema due to the bad review, saw it on Sky and loved it. Cheesy, incoherent, shocking crap which I confidently predict will assume the status of "Cult Movie" in years to come....

KerseyVee

Bizarre... I live in a small village and thought this film would be ironic, a bit like a funnier version of Deliverance, but it was just rubbish. The plot swing was just ridiculous - I was hoping for more zombie/ghost villagers instead, but what we got instead was a bad mask and make-up job with a bit of a perverted background story.

Andy

Absolute and total nonsense all the way through, but vaguely enjoyable, Jennifer Ellison should not say anything, ever, either on film or in real life. I also reckon that most of your public reviewers are entirely illiterate morons! Never mind, eh..

Ian

I think the people who have given this film a bad rating really need to establish just what kind of movie they like because going to watch this when you are a fan of tight plots and oscar nominated performances is like expecting the performance of a Rolls Royce when you are driving a Ford. This film doles out everything you could want in less than 90 minutes of fun filled horror and gore... it doesn't prentend to be anything more than that!

Ian

I think the people who have given this film a bad rating really need to establish just what kind of movie they like because going to watch this when you are a fan of tight plots and oscar nominated performances is like expecting the performance of a Rolls Royce when you are driving a Ford. This film doles out everything you could want in less than 90 minutes of fun filled horror and gore... it doesn't prentend to be anything more than that!

Mothra

This film was pretty good. It was fun all the way through, with plenty of action, gore and some inept criminals. Not gonna win an oscar but entertained me loads. I`d recommend.

Mothra

This film was pretty good. It was fun all the way through, with plenty of action, gore and some inept criminals. Not gonna win an oscar but entertained me loads. I`d recommend.

Dani

This is the worst film I think I have ever seen, was expecting something like severance or shawn of the dead, but was complete rubbish. the story line was bad and didn't really make any sence, I don't mind swearing in films at all, but the amount that came out of Jennifer Elissons mouth was copmpletely over the top, don't think I have ever heard some one say CU*T so many times. Worst Film EVER MADE

Daniel

This is the worst film i have ever seen, jennifer ellison is a crap actress! Despite her good looks i hope this is the last time we see her in the 'big' screen. There a plenty more good looking women that could do a much better job. Awful Brit movie

nigel

Waste of space this film was.....whilst i was looking forward to a brit flick that could have built on the strengths of Shaun of the Dead, this was a let down. From the outset an air of anticipation about where the characters and their paranoia were headed filled me, until the dulcit tones of young J.Ellison broke into full force. Any need for a woman to utter the 'c' word so much i na film? shock value i suppose? well......i was shocked, J.Ellison was terrible and only there as eye candy, until she opened her mouth. Serkis has potential i nterms of his screen presence but a poor script and mish mash of ideas spoiled it. Had a few laughs watching it, but it really does not do much to promote the British film industry which is particularly hit and miss in recent years....worth a few quid from the video shop if there is nothing else out, but money spent to go to the cinema???/ save your money, go for a pint instead

Gem

I think this film is great, me and my boyfreind went to see this the other night and I could not stop laughing all the way though. If you like Sleverance then you will love this film.

Gem

I think this film is great, me and my boyfreind went to see this the other night and I could not stop laughing all the way though. If you like Sleverance then you will love this film.

Rob Howell

Ok, it was a bit slow to get going but I laughed out loud at some of the scenes and jumped at others. At the end I felt that I had had value for money and had been entertained. I loved the film and if you a fan of trashy horror paperbacks and like your horror films to be gory and feature a monstrous baddie then this is for you!! If you prefer films that make you think, then avoid it like the plague!!

Rob Howell

Ok, it was a bit slow to get going but I laughed out loud at some of the scenes and jumped at others. At the end I felt that I had had value for money and had been entertained. I loved the film and if you a fan of trashy horror paperbacks and like your horror films to be gory and feature a monstrous baddie then this is for you!! If you prefer films that make you think, then avoid it like the plague!!

Hannah

BLOODY AWFUL! I had never walked out a film in my life until i went to see this one. I can't believe it made it to the cinema. If I could give it a zero rating I would.

Jodie B

Thought the film was really good and funny, would definitely recommend it. The three main characters were excellent and very well acted. GO SEE IT!

Jodie B

Thought the film was really good and funny, would definitely recommend it. The three main characters were excellent and very well acted. GO SEE IT!

jamez

this is a krap film tbh , dont waste ur money acidently clicked 5 star oops :)

jamez

this is a krap film tbh , dont waste ur money acidently clicked 5 star oops :)

josie

This film was the worse film I have ever seen, what a waste of money, rubbish!

Sean

This really is the worst ever film i have seen!!!! DO NOT waste your money! As soon as the film starts and you see how cheap and poreley made the graphics and sounds is, you know this film is a huge mistake! me and the people i went with looked at each other 20mins into the film and said "shall we just leave"?- but if the tickets weren't so expensive we would have deffinaltey walked out of there- THIS FILM IS PAINFUL!!

charlie

this was a load of crap, the worst film ive seen in a long time, there was a bit of humour and thats about it

Steve K

Appalling film that looks like the script is written on the back of a matchbox. I'm glad they all died. If they make films like this they should. British crap at its worst. Don't bother wasting your money.

Harry

Marvellous film... a triumph of directorial skill. Williams brings out the subtle strengths of his characters in a way that underpins the subliminal, anti-war undertones of the storyline. Arguably the film of the decade, to date?

Harry

Marvellous film... a triumph of directorial skill. Williams brings out the subtle strengths of his characters in a way that underpins the subliminal, anti-war undertones of the storyline. Arguably the film of the decade, to date?

Patchworker

Although this is the first film I've seen in a while, I found it thoroughly entertaining, and hilarious at times. I reject the idea of misogyny; the female lead has by far the strongest personality. I wish she'd kept her head (so to speak), as she could have taken on the mad farmer. The dialogue between the brothers was excellent. Immature? Maybe, but what's wrong with that? See it if you can stand moderate gore.

Patchworker

Although this is the first film I've seen in a while, I found it thoroughly entertaining, and hilarious at times. I reject the idea of misogyny; the female lead has by far the strongest personality. I wish she'd kept her head (so to speak), as she could have taken on the mad farmer. The dialogue between the brothers was excellent. Immature? Maybe, but what's wrong with that? See it if you can stand moderate gore.

jami

absolutly amazing film, williams has amde an awsome film, really enjoyful

jami

absolutly amazing film, williams has amde an awsome film, really enjoyful

Patrick

Apalling. Williams blows all the good will his excellent debut generated. Immature, terribly written and with a very nasty misogynist streak. The previous comment must have been written by a mate - this film is so bad even his mother would hate it. Avoid at all costs.

Deborah

'The Cottage' is a great comedy-horror film, full of twists and turns - an exhilarating 90 minutes, but one that anchors the splatter comedy to deftly drawn characters enduring a heightened reality one hell of a night. It takes an unusual approach for a gore infested horror film (the director skillfully plays with the conventions of blood spattered horror in that there is often a darkly comic twist to the gore) because there is so much emotional investment in the main characters. Its this which makes the film stand out. 'The Cottage' has an emotional depth that makes you really care about what happens to them, especially the two brothers. The relationship between the brothers, brilliantly played by Andy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith, is a very important part of the story and their scenes together are one of the film's highlights. Their fraught fraternal relationship has a believability about it which grabs you from the moment they appear on screen & the scenes between them crackle with tension, humour and emotion. The four leads are excellent but Reece Shearsmith is truly outstanding - a very funny, likable performance - by turns wimpish, pernickety, argumentative, pathetic, vulnerable, almost tragic character. His performance really holds the film together - it's brilliantly subtle and multi-layered. He brings so much to the role, not only comedically but emotionally too. 'The Cottage' is a very entertaining blending of comedy and horror with a depth not usually associated with the genre. You care about the characters and the circumstances that have brought them together. Much of the comedy comes from the dynamics of their relationship and how they react to the ever worsening situation they find themselves thrust into. It goes without saying that the film is brilliantly directed with a great script that puts character at the centre of it all, around which the comedy and the horror unfold naturally with beautiful pace and precision. There is a sense of sadness in the midst of the horrific fun of 'The Cottage' which lingers in the memory afterwards because in the end its characters matter. A rarity for the horror genre which marks the film as a superb piece of film making - an unusual story, original approach, great atmosphere, very bloody and very funny, top notch performances by the two leads, especially a superb Reece Shearsmith. Its a comedy horror whose genre blending works a memorable treat!

Deborah

'The Cottage' is a great comedy-horror film, full of twists and turns - an exhilarating 90 minutes, but one that anchors the splatter comedy to deftly drawn characters enduring a heightened reality one hell of a night. It takes an unusual approach for a gore infested horror film (the director skillfully plays with the conventions of blood spattered horror in that there is often a darkly comic twist to the gore) because there is so much emotional investment in the main characters. Its this which makes the film stand out. 'The Cottage' has an emotional depth that makes you really care about what happens to them, especially the two brothers. The relationship between the brothers, brilliantly played by Andy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith, is a very important part of the story and their scenes together are one of the film's highlights. Their fraught fraternal relationship has a believability about it which grabs you from the moment they appear on screen & the scenes between them crackle with tension, humour and emotion. The four leads are excellent but Reece Shearsmith is truly outstanding - a very funny, likable performance - by turns wimpish, pernickety, argumentative, pathetic, vulnerable, almost tragic character. His performance really holds the film together - it's brilliantly subtle and multi-layered. He brings so much to the role, not only comedically but emotionally too. 'The Cottage' is a very entertaining blending of comedy and horror with a depth not usually associated with the genre. You care about the characters and the circumstances that have brought them together. Much of the comedy comes from the dynamics of their relationship and how they react to the ever worsening situation they find themselves thrust into. It goes without saying that the film is brilliantly directed with a great script that puts character at the centre of it all, around which the comedy and the horror unfold naturally with beautiful pace and precision. There is a sense of sadness in the midst of the horrific fun of 'The Cottage' which lingers in the memory afterwards because in the end its characters matter. A rarity for the horror genre which marks the film as a superb piece of film making - an unusual story, original approach, great atmosphere, very bloody and very funny, top notch performances by the two leads, especially a superb Reece Shearsmith. Its a comedy horror whose genre blending works a memorable treat!