The Smurfs (U)

Time Out says

Tue Aug 9 2011

To play The Smurfs Drinking Game you will need: Two 500cl bottles of Blue Bols (per player), one white sleeping cap, ample powder-blue face paint and too much spare time. Rules: When the word ‘Smurf’ is used as a family-friendly substitute for an expletive (eg ‘What the Smurf?!’): take a shot. When the Smurfs sing their happy indoctrination song: take a shot. 

When the Smurfs conduct an unreasonably lengthy dialogue scene in front of a well-placed product: shot. Whenever the Scottish Smurf, Gutsy, references his junk: shot. Spurious Joan Rivers cameo: double shot. Whenever Neil Patrick Harris gives a look like he’d gladly put all the Smurfs (especially Clumsy) into a blender: shot. Any scene where the human actors have to interact with the Smurfs but you can see they know full well they’re hugging thin air: shot. Any lines that could be misconstrued as drug references (eg ‘We all live in mushrooms’, ‘I’m collecting Smurf Root’): shot. 

Whenever the evil wizard Gargamel (essayed with dignity-abandoning vim by Hank Azaria) stumbles across the Smurfs by coincidence even though they’ve got all New York as their hiding place: shot. When the plot moves forward via a deus ex machina dreamed up by David Lynch on ’ludes (eg Gargamel’s prison escape thanks to a moth army): shot. End credits: finish off bottle, don sleeping cap, eat face paint.

Author: David Jenkins