Julian Clary interview: 'young gay men can learn from me'

Legendary comedian Julian Clary’s latest show, 'Position Vacant, Apply Within', sashays into the Palace Theatre on Sunday June 2. ‘Position Vacant – Apply Within’ is the master of innuendo’s sly take on gay marriage, and sees him auditioning for a new husband.
The show takes audience participation to a new level – you marry a man every night. How do you select them?
‘I go round the auditorium with a cattle prod and then drive the victims, sorry, contestants into a sheep pen. It’s quick and effective. Young gay men playing the dating game can learn a lot from me.’

Do you go for a quickie divorce after each show, or are you the world's biggest gay bigamist?
‘I can’t reveal what goes on behind the scenes. I’m a bit like Derren Brown in that respect. Curiously enough Derren’s new show is also coming to the Palace Theatre. I always try to give him a plug when I can.’

Opponents of gay marriage have compared it to people marrying their pets. Are there qualities in pets one might look for in a husband?
‘Yes, of course. Both my partner Rolf and my dogs have been trained to froth at the mouth at the merest glimpse of Nigel Farage. They both also lick my face first thing in the morning. And do their business in a bucket under the sink.’

How do potential husbands in London compare to those elsewhere in the UK?
‘They were like dogs on heat on the Isle of Wight. Who’d have thought? My prospective husbands in London tend to slip rather too easily into their Beyoncé impersonations. Sorry, but you’ll just have to see the show.’

What makes a good gay wedding?
‘I would imagine no wedding would be complete without Blue Nun.’

And a bad one?
‘Christopher Biggins turning up in one of his Hawaiian shirts.’

Given the popularity of gay websites like Gaydar and apps like Grindr, is there a danger that gay romance is going out of fashion?
‘I can’t bear Grindr. It’s like ordering a pizza. When you see the end of my show, with the bridesmaids and the confetti, you’ll realise that gay romance is far from dead.’

What are your top three tips for keeping romance alive?
‘Eat. Drink. Be Mary.’