Music

In 1991, Jim and a pal performed 808 State’s Manc-rave classic ‘In Yer Face’ in school assembly
‘It was kind of an impromptu assembly. We weren’t planning on performing, but we were so good the headmaster got half the school in front of us and we created a rave. We played it with much technical crapness. We had a Casio keyboard and a little guitar amp and various hoots and whistles. There was movement, but I’m not sure if anyone got it. We were too lost in the music.’

Despite this, he doesn’t really like these new-fangled nightclubs
‘On the “All Right” EP, there’s a track, “Don’t Turn The Music Down”, which is about music in clubs being too loud and you can’t hear anything. Although I don’t know how I know because I’ve never been to anything more exciting than a local hoedown at Colonel McMotorway’s Auto Barn.’

He attempted to assemble the world’s first wasp orchestra
‘I lined up several wasps and taped them down, then lightly tapped them on the back with a rubber-tipped pencil to achieve notes. I’m afraid of wasps, so it was a disaster. The wasps ended up being more interested in either banging their heads on the window or getting frustrated with banging their heads on the window and attacking me.’

In 1984, he won a Batman water pistol for singing the ‘Grease Megamix’ in a holiday camp competition
‘Well, it was actually “You’re The One That I Want”. We practised for hours around the swimming pool, it was all planned. We pretended to go on with no practice, but we were being cheeky. I was about ten or 11. I wasn’t 23 or anything. A Batman water pistol was all right then.’

His post-Travolta conversion to aciieeeed came via legendary local radio station Key 103
‘Key 103? Oh yes. Very much so – it’s not quite the same any more, but back in the day I used to listen to that a lot – “derr err err nerr errerrr”. I like the classics, you know. But I’m a sucker for a well-written pop song as well. I try to think about that when I write but they don’t ever quite turn out as Hollywood epic as some of the stuff out there.’

When Jim supported the Super Furries recently, Gruff was his guitar tech
‘That was amazing! It was the first night, the first song, my guitar string snapped and I didn’t have a spare guitar. I didn’t know what I was gonna do. And then Gruff came on and gave me his guitar. Now, I think: God, I wonder if I would have done that for my support band? Now I’m gonna be stood next to the bloody stage for everyone.’

He’s terrified of flying and needs a BA Baracus-style surprise injection
‘Yeah, that’s true, pretty much. A tequila injection at the airport. Actually, we did get a bit rowdy this time out in America. It was almost like I could have got a bit Ian Brown. I wasn’t angry or anything, but there’s something about the air up there that makes you wild. And pissed. I wasn’t that bad, but I got told to shush a couple of times, very aggressively, by a woman. If it was by a man, then I don’t know – women can shush better. Like a teacher’s shush.They make you feel stupid.’

His new album has a bit of a prog space travel concept. The first song introduces Commander Jameson, who sets off into space on the next track
‘He knows he won’t be coming back but he tells his wife otherwise, to make her feel all right even though he knows he’s toast. Then it goes back to the beginning, going through holidays when you’re a kid to finding yourself as an old man giving one last piece of advice.’

He’s got through more musicians than Axl Rose. This includes the entire line-up of hot new band, Beep Seals.
‘I’m a real bastard. That’s why they’ve left. No, it was totally amicable. I think. That was always the deal. We were just time-sharing while I was getting started up. Ee, they didn’t know their arse from their elbow until they met me. I turned them into a band and set them free.’

His new album contains one of the first uses of the word ‘nowt’ in pop since The Hollies’ ‘Too Many People’
‘It was just for me mum and dad – that’s just what they sound like. “Ee bah gum, wot, nowt, eh?” It depends how pissed I am, I think but I don’t think I’ve ever said “ee bah gum” in anger. But I do say “crikey blimey” a lot. I started to say it as a joke, but now it’s actually entered my vocabulary. It’s like, why don’t you just say “fuck” like normal people?’

Jims' album 'Jim Noir' is out now. Or, 'owt', maybe.