Apparently, Tom Cruise once invited the Devon diva, her mother and manager over for a movie and Chinese takeout. Now, unfair though it may be to judge any artist by their listeners, the behaviour of iron filings tells you much about a magnet. What might it mean, then, to have the sofa-mounting, demonically grinning Scientologist declare himself as a fan?
Poetic justice is what, since there is no more striking recent example of the bland leading the bland. ‘Introducing…’
is in fact the 19-year-old’s third LP, thus named because she’s apparently now expressing the ‘real’ Joscelyn Stoker for the very first time (ie, she sings about sex a lot). In fact, she’s expressing Raphael Saddiq (see also Mary J Blige, Whitney, Jill Scott…), as he wrote and produced most of its 14 tracks. Considering how much is made of Stone’s precociously mature pipes and her likely inheritance of Aretha’s crown, this LP has very little heart to it and sod all genuine soul. Yes, Stone’s voice is impressive, but only in the way that a dog speaking French might be impressive. Tedious woah-oh extemporisations abound and much of the funk/soul music is so cod you can smell the chip fat. Vinnie Jones’s intro (!) and ‘conscious’ contributions by Common and Lauryn Hill simply up the misfire count. Amy Winehouse must be cackling her arse off.
