• Estate agent speak

  • By Time Out editors

  • location, location, location | all mod cons?

    All mod cons?

    Now you've discovered the ghastly truth about your idyllic village haven, it's time to see just how elastic the language of bricks and mortar can be. One anonymous agent gives us the inside track…

    What they say
    ‘Flexible living space’.
    What they mean ‘Several rooms crammed into one – a kitchen-diner adjoining the lounge, for instance.’

    What they say ‘Well presented’.
    What they mean ‘This just means it’s not totally tatty. They’ve probably hoovered.’
    Feature continues

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    What they say ‘Studio flat’.
    What they mean ‘Unless it’s a high-price property, this is probably a bedsit.’

    What they say ‘Trendy location’.
    What they mean ‘This will mean that it’s an area known to be trendy already – as in it’s not up-and-coming. You’ll be paying a premium to live there.’

    What they say ‘In need of renovation.’
    What they mean ‘Take this seriously; an estate agent won’t say this unless the property needs a lot of work, so much that this is more likely to be attractive to a developer who can do the work and sell it on for a profit.’

    What they say 'Roof terrace'
    What they mean 'You'll find out when you see it, but this could easily just be a balcony with a few pot plants.'

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9 comments

  1. Posted by shilpa on 20 Dec 2007 16:55

    i mwish every roman catholic a very happy christmas in this village

  2. Posted by Elliot on 24 Sep 2007 13:34

    It's an IKEA site. Quite good as it happens.

  3. Posted by sugar on 14 Sep 2007 17:49

    I found this website which basically lets estate agents that we arent going anywhere!!!
    www.notgoinganywhere.co.uk

  4. Posted by I Love Cats on 07 Sep 2007 17:03

    I really like the idea of the 'no estate agents' sign on the door - does that actaully work?
    My 'no junk mail' one certainly doesn't... although you do get the occasional little gem through the junk mail... never met a gem of an estate agent though... :(

  5. Posted by Born Free on 07 Sep 2007 17:00

    I recently bought a flat in east london and while yes, I recognise the potential increase in prices because of the olympics and stuff, at the end of the day, I bought the flat for myself, to make my home. I've spent several grand improving it, so I'm sure if I did give one of those dodgy estate agents the time of day they'd be quite excited, but my home aint for sale!

  6. Posted by Jo Daniels on 07 Sep 2007 15:43

    Estate agents are all about making money at your expense, they dont care about you as a person or your house as a home. They just want to make a quick buck. Not I'm not selling up!!!

  7. Posted by Bruno Thomson on 06 Sep 2007 10:53

    Yeah I find it annoying. I have spent a good dose of time and money doing up my house for ME to live in and enjoy, not in the mood at all to sell, yet the letters and calls keep happening. Maybe I need to use their double speak...

  8. Posted by jennyaces on 06 Sep 2007 00:31

    LOL - I get about 3 a week in Streatham Common. They won't take no for an answer, even when I put a "no estate agents" sign in the window.

  9. Posted by Elliot on 05 Sep 2007 11:08

    Let's turn it around. Me-speak for estate agents:
    When I say "No, I don't want to sell my home" it means "Don't come back next week and try convincing me again"
    Seriously, get stuffed the lot of you. I. AM. NOT. GOING. ANYWHERE.

9 comments

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