Restaurants

The Ivy
The Ivy allegedly has a two-track booking system: one for favoured customers and celebrities, the other for the rest of us. This was according to journalist AA Gill nearly a decade ago in his uncharacteristically fawning book about the restaurant, The Ivy, published in 1997.

We tried to verify this with more up-to-date information by calling the Ivy, but a spokesperson refused to comment. So unless you are AA Gill, an A-list (or B-list) celebrity, or a high-spending regular, you still have to submit to ordeal by automated phone response. Eventually, after a wait (sometimes of several minutes) you get through to one of four or five receptionists, who between them handle – or so one of them told us – up to 1,400 phone calls per day, between 9.30am and 5.30pm. Ringing in late June, for example, we were offered dinner tables in late November or early December – unless you are prepared to eat at 5.30pm-7.30pm, or after 10.30pm, in which case they might be able to squeeze you in in a matter of, ooh, weeks. So the Ivy’s probably not the best place to spontaneously take a new date. Feature continues

Alternatively, when going through the automated phone system, you will hear the option ‘for today’s lunch availability, dial 3’. Now, as every luvvie knows, lunch is the only way to do the Ivy. So try your luck on the day you want to go. This year, this method worked on our first attempt – a good table on a Monday lunchtime, at a mere three hours’ notice.

The other method we tried – three times, before the manager started to get suspicious – was to turn up on spec in the evening, looking suitably glamorous. But this didn’t work (for us, at least); the charming manager explained the restaurant was fully booked. Next time, we’ll turn up mid-evening with Nicole Kidman on one arm to meet our mates Posh and Becks, and see if this works – because the Ivy does, in fact, always keep a few tables back for the right faces.

The River Cafe
This one’s a surprise. London’s best-known Italian restaurant is, as you would expect, very popular, but the phone was answered immediately by a real person on our calls this year. There were dinner tables free for the following week, and a better choice the week after that. A two-sittings policy is applied to most tables: 7-9pm, or 9-11pm. However, the River Café has space for 15 outdoor tables (which, despite the name, do not have a good view of the river). On warm and sunny evenings, extra tables are added for outdoor diners – but the restaurant will only book the usual number of indoor tables, just in case the weather changes. So, effectively, on hot days there are 15 free tables inside for walk-ins. Hallelujah!