Restaurants

By Guy Dimond

Afternoon tea is a wonderful anachronism from the days when British people still had free time for polite conversation in the middle of the day. It's for that very reason that foreign visitors treasure it - it is quintessentially British.

London hotels have capitalised on the desire for this truly British phenomenon by creating overpriced fake experiences in lavish settings. Set teas typically cost from around £20 to £40, depending on where you have them; some places, such as The Ritz, have timed sittings (three per afternoon), and for most of them you need to book well in advance - months, in some cases - and dress smartly. Having tried most of London's 'best' afternoon tea places, I've found many of them to be cynically overpriced tourist traps.

It was with high hopes then that I set off for the newly refurbished and relaunched Fortnum & Mason's tea room - set in the St James's Restaurant - as Fortnum's has one of the best reputations for both high-quality loose-leaf tea and for afternoon tea.

The reception was a shambles. After being kept waiting while the lone receptionist was on a long call, I was asked if I had booked, what the name of the booking was and if I wanted to go straight to the table. This process was repeated, twice, as successive staff spotted my arrival and gave me the same grilling.

Service, once we were seated, was hapless and inattentive. We had to beckon our waitress to bring the bill - twice. I then had to approach the manager myself to pay the bill (12.5 per cent is added to the bill for service).

But what of the afternoon tea itself? Don't arrive with too hearty an appetite, as the sandwiches, scones and cakes are canapé-sized, which would be fine if we weren't paying more than £40 each for the experience. The sandwich breads were underwhelming; Pret a Manger's are better. The cakes were the high point, such as the nibble-sized portion of sachertorte. The pots of tea were fine.

The decor of the room, with its pastels and comfy seats, is evocative of a care home in Eastbourne. The majority of our fellow diners were Japanese tourists; the rest were American tourists. The only other table of Londoners were seated beside us - a couple of working-class-made-good property developers discussing the redevelopment potential of a mixed-use scheme.

Fortnum's really needs to pull its socks up if it's to keep its reputation as the place to be for afternoon tea.

Time Out London Issue 1946: December 5-11 2007